In fact, if I were being judged by a mothering panel, which for some reason in my head consists of Kerry Washington, Angela Bassett, and Emma Grede… they’d give me a solid NINE for effort, TWO for presence. (Though based on Grede’s three-hour mum hot take, maybe that’d bump my score).

I’ve been gone two weeks out of four this month. Washington DC and San Francisco. Lots of FaceTimes with my kids’ foreheads, lots of random hotels rewatching adorable videos on my camera roll, lots of airports, lots of goodbyes. But also, the reunions! The squishy hugs as I’m shocked how much they missed me (there’s a meme that being a Boy Mum is like hanging out with a guy who’s just not that into you – it’s SO TRUE!)

If you have also been working, playing, whatever-ing far from your kids this week, here’s some tips for mothering remotely:

• Be where your feet are. This is my fav travel mantra. By 5pm on Thursday I was done. My social battery was flashing empty, I had about four hours of meetings and socializing to go, I was dealing with a problem for my CEO for my second role… when husband happened to text that my little boy was uncharacteristically sad and missing me. I went to the bathroom and almost cried. I wasn’t there and he missed me! But I looked myself in the eyes and said these words, which always work when I get overwhelmed. Be where your feet are — be present, stay grounded, you can’t be in two places at once, stop trying.

• Find the positives, focus on them. Time with a team I enjoy, sleep uninterrupted (by children at least— hotel sleep is hit or miss). An iced matcha that no little hands attempt to grab, steal and/or spill everywhere — a drink you actually get to consume!

• Don’t feel mum guilt. Just don’t feel it. Reject it from your system like a bad curry. Someone once told me that only the great mums worry about being great mums. So I worry about a lot of things (I’d love to expel that from my system) but I do not feel guilt about being a working mother.

So. While I won’t be bragging to anyone about proximity to my kids this Mother’s Day… I can offer you a load of outfits with a working girl flavour from the trips I’ve done this month.

DC Travel Day

Off to the races. I had a 1pm departure which gave me enough time to get the kids up, feed them, and load them up for husband to do drop off. Then got myself together and got on my way.

Cross-country trip, so 5.5 hours on the plane, enough that you feel it. Went with a comfy tee and trouser combo. I want to be able to fall asleep in the clothes, but look polished enough that it doesn’t feel weird when I inevitably bump into a colleague in the airport. These trousers fit the bill – tie waist, drapey, subtle tailoring. The trench hides a multitude of sins and refines everything, always. And the brown bag with the heritage details adds some formality despite its slouch.

SF Travel Day

Same trench, different story. The base of this outfit is blues with the bag, jeans, and shoes keeping things mellow.

San Francisco is such a casual city, I could get away with the trench adding a little drama, but chilling everything else all the way out.

DC 1st Outfit

DC’s buttoned-up personality always throws me at first. And landing at night is a bit disorienting style-wise. I spent ten mins craning my neck from my hotel to try and get outfit context from people on the street. Sadly I was too high up to see actual outfits, so I went with my gut.

It was a day of being in office with collagues all day, and then we always head to dinner, and then a night cap which inevitably ends up being 2 hours long. So really, dressing for 9am-10pm+. The brown and blue stripe worked well together and gave formal without actually being too dressed up.

The fun slides moment to shine!

They brought some levity which was very welcome in this outfit that didn’t feel altogether me. Which is weird given I wore almost the exact same thing in SF the week before and loved it – thoughts on why coming below.

SF 1st Outfit

I really liked this! The oversized blazer added the polish along with the structure of the bag. The cuffed jeans, messy bun, and shoes brought the chill.

Bonus fit, I got to meet my SF-dwelling bestie for drinks and wore this. My comfy but dressy trouser, mary-janes, and my fav sweatshirt because one always needs an extra layer in the city.

PS. Peep my Cuyana travel set in the background. It’s no exaggeration to say I travel nowhere without them.

DC 2nd Outfit

Back in formal DC, finally feel like I got there with this outfit. It feels very much me but also DC. It helps that it rained that day, so adding an extra layer was warranted. And the colour story, pleating, and a belt that added formality meant I could get away with a tee to the office.

This was my fav outfit of DC week. So throwing in a matching bevvy because why not keep the good times rolling?!

SF 2nd Outfit

Back in SF, this was my fav outfit of the week. Flippies to work is bold I know, but in a city where running leggings are acceptable workwear and an old boss once came to work in a biking shammy (my eyes, oh gosh my eyes), flippies it is.

A few things make this better than the earlier version in DC. 1 – I had an extra button undone, which gave a deeper v, widened the line of the neck, and made it more dramatic contrast to the high waist of the trousers. 2 – I had straight hair here and curly earlier. Hair is a styling tool! I wrote about how it shift a whole fit. And 3 – the peek of the flipflops and my feet gives more visual balance than the colourful slides I wore earlier — but I would not dare wear them in DC.

You’re being a bit extra, Nicole.

Reader, you may be correct, but we’re allll about context here. Dressed in Questions is not the name of this little corner of the internet ;)

DC Home Outfit

All in all it was a very shirt-heavy week in DC. I did not bring a blazer and regretted it. I could (and would) have worn a pair of blue jeans with a blazer thrown over, which would have been very in keeping with the local vibe. Instead, I relied on my trench and shirts, which was fine, but not my fav week of outfits. Nevertheless — back to my babies I go!

SF Home Outfit

A touch warm for April, but this was my favourite outfit, and totally me. I loved the layering and the colour combo — will be keeping this one in my back pocket for autumn.

Overall, I loved my SF outfits far more than my DC. And though we can blame it on the fact that I lived in The Bay and know it like the back of my hand, where DC remains a style black box, we can also attribute it to packing. I packed far less and had so many more wins.

Which brings us to just a few screenshots…

Thanks to doing the thing by explaining a new (to me) packing concept. It’s worked a treat!

Was moved to capture this outfit from . A pop of colour, the peek of texture, and a flip flop is a bit of me — loved this.

And is glowy excellence in this dress. I love when people manage to stay true to their style even in moments of extreme contextual difference — formal, casual, it’s them. The color, the shape, the clutch are all just so good.

And that’s it – back to my babes, just in time to be regaled for Mother’s Day.

Thank goodness the mothering panel isn’t a real thing (though society can feel that way at times). Whether you were with your kids so much it drove you crazy, or you had to dip into all the mothering remotely resources at your disposal, Happy Mothers Day – all I hope for you (and me) is a really bloody good nap. kbyeee!

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ICYMI

Last week, with new friends over for dinner, she announced that “mum was a fashion girl, back in the day” and everyone’s eyes swiveled to me. (Kids, always laying your ish bare, amiright). But the truth is, she’s every bit the fashion girly now, at six years old.

She’s a founding member of the Family Style Panel ™️1 and is someone I consciously dress for when picking out outfits. She’s a girl who will lay out her clothes for school the night before, always with a clear vision for colour, texture, and pattern.

I love Ava’s eye, and wanted a home for it here. Plus, we all have things hanging unworn that we rarely reach for, and sometimes you just need someone with zero filter or skin in the game to pull it out for you.

Despite using religiously, I still don’t wear all my clothes enough. On any given day, my girl will pluck something obscure from the depths of my wardrobe with a “oh wear this, mummy, it’s beautifulll”, which I typically sidestep with a “ah, that won’t quite work today”. But what if I just said… yes?

Introducing: The Ava Edit

The ultimate goal for my closet is a tightly edited set of clothes I can move in, parent in, work and travel in, that reflect my personality, fun, and function.

So, for this new series, I’ll wear anything Ava selects from my closet. We’ll include her thoughts behind the fit and I’ll have a go at styling the least worn piece. I’ll either end up with inspo to reach for it more often, or confirmation it’s consignment-bound. And, Ava will share her life and style wisdom with us all, because where else would we get it if not from a six-year-old baddie-in-training?

I’ll still keep her behind an emoji-cloak of anonymity, but I am including snippets of her adorable little voice from our session today. Here she is introducing herself:

Right?! She’s too much.

The Brief

We’re going to a friend’s birthday party later today, put an outfit together for me!

This was Pre-Ava-Styling. Not a lick of makeup, a hectic day of solo parenting, but the sunnies make the world of difference and there’s something about a sliver of short under an oversized top that gives me joy. (Is it the spring equivalent of a peek of white tee under a knit?)

The Creative Director’s Picks

Firstly, Ava is a maximalist. She loves to add layers, colour, print, and she’s very girly. Sequins, bows, and glitter give her sartorial joy. Her style is more dressy than my casual preferences, she prefers dresses and skirts over my trouser-loving self, and she’s never one to wait for an occasion to wear sparkles.

For today’s picks, she beelined straight for my scarves, grabbing a black embroidered piece I bought in India ten years ago and rarely wear. Next was this Staud dress I purchased second hand and last minute before a work event in LA. I haven’t worn it since. Soon after she went for a vintage brown fur clutch.

Then she grabbed these calf hair mary-janes from Lachoix.

Then accessories. Part of the magic of this project was her putting everything on without any input or meddling from me – and she took great pride in it.

Here’s where we landed…

Accessories shot…

Her style notes:

What did we learn? She’s deeply inspired by colour and pattern. When I ask what drew her to each item, the first thing she mentions every time is colour.

Would I have put this outfit together? Nope – as we’ve established, Ava is the max to my min, but when you look at the outfit, it actually flows beautifully.

The colours are cohesive – the red as a base, the black popping against it, the scarf holding everything together with notes of both, the brown fur literally softening the edges. And though I don’t typically clash patterns, the shapes of the dress, scarf, necklace and even texture of the fur, are in harmony — soft curves and semi circles. Kind of cool.

The Rediscovery:

Now it’s my turn. I was up for the challenge of building outfits around this impulse-buy dress given I’ve only worn it once. For context, here’s how I wore it to my work event…

Not in love. I like the colour and the pattern of the dress and wanted to add edge with the leather and belt, but they end up competing. The neckline of the cropped trench jacket against the collar of the dress, with the cami underneath — too much going on for my liking.

So I got experimenting. After Ava’s starting points, I buttoned it all the way, added a cuff, belt, and a raffia mary-jane.

I’ve always loved a buttoned up collar, and I can see myself wearing this to church, a wedding, or to a work event I’m hosting in future.

On to look number two. Unbuttoned with a black base, the dress becomes a duster…

I liked this look the most – it’s dramatic, geometric, and has edge. I added satiny Cos wide-leg trousers, a vintage Roland Mouret belt, and a cami. This is perhaps the version I wish I’d worn to my work dinner.

And the third. This was the most casual of the looks I came up with…

A high-necked vest, vintage Levi’s, and Mercedes Castillo sandals made this look feel like me. There’s good tension between the pieces, and yet… I’ve no idea where I’d actually wear this. It’s too dressy for a casual moment and too casual for a dressy one. Perhaps a relaxed drinks reception in a laid-back city like LA?

The Verdict: Keep or Consign

Well I’m keeping this dress. But – it’s on notice. It could do with a hem – the length holds me back from reaching for it for church, where I’m often running after the kids. And it’s made for someone with a longer torso, so the fabric can bunch without a belt. I really like the colour, the pattern, and there’s not a shirtdress I don’t love. But, if I don’t find myself wearing it this season, consignment it is.

Ava’s Final Word

Me: Ava, how do you decide what outfits you want to wear and what to put together?

Ava: Laying out my clothes on the ground helps me decide, see colours, and know what goes together. And then, the pattern. If I have stripes, or something else, I put another shape with it, try it out, see how it feels.

Lastly, she wants you to know that if you’re out there, having a really hard time putting clothes together… “I will help you with it! But only if that’s okay with you. And if I can lay out your clothes.”

There we have it. I enjoyed this one. Short, sweet, but oh so fun. Your turn! What’s the piece at the back of your wardrobe that needs the discerning eye of an Ava and an hour of try-on experiments? Let me know below kbyeeee xx

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ICYMI

As a child, I never liked it when exams required you to “show your workings”, how you got from question to answer. I’d literally take my pencil and remove the messy scribbles of my workings – I liked a neat, tidy page, all effort hidden away: Ta-da, I did it!

This month at work I’ve taken on two additional roles while we hire for each. Over a sixty minute call, as two brilliant women attempted to handover everything relevant in their brains, I was painfully aware of what I was taking on.

I have a history of seamlessly making things happen, and I know I’m not alone. As women, mothers, sisters, girlfriends – we just get it done. When I went on leave with my first child, my boss had no idea how much I’d been doing until the week I left – they actually promoted me while I was out on mat leave. It shouldn’t take everything falling apart for people to see we were holding it all together, but sometimes we’re too efficient for our own good.

So this time, I didn’t take it all on silently. When the senior team assumed the new responsibilities would be 25% of my current workload, I did the maths with my team – nope, it’d be more like 70%. I called a meeting with the CEO and walked her through exactly what I was taking on. When she asked if I had what I needed, instead of profusely demurring and not wanting to make a fuss, I said “actually no, not yet”. I met with my boss and bosses boss, I asked for a leadership coach, and the executive team sent emails to the entire staff making sure everyone knew what was happening.

Sometimes, you need to show the workings out. You can do all the things (goodness knows women always will) but every now and then, it doesn’t hurt to show how the sausage is made.

Recently I took the kids to the park, and as we got ready my daughter said “oh I’m so excited to see E!”, E being her bestie. I said “but darling, she won’t be here, because we haven’t planned it.” Confusion. In her mind, her bestie always “happened to be” at the same place she was, why would today be any different?! I explained that I check with her mum in advance, arrange a time and place, and we meetup. The concept blew her mind. Sometimes, you need to see how the sausage is made.

So this week, I’m applying the same logic everywhere – I actually let husband in, instead of silently becoming an overloaded, smoking circuit board moments from an intense explosion, I mentioned it to my family and friends so they understood why I was quieter than usual1, and now I’m telling you.

And I’m extending it to style too. Trying to think through not just the final product, but how I got there, even if most of it is intuition, good inspo2, and vibes. Let’s see how I fared.

Sunday

Starting the week strong with zero outfit pictures 🫠 but this is what I wore.

I always try and show you pictures of clothing on me, because while I love a flat lay3, there’s something that hits different about seeing it on a body – proportions, hemlines on a shortie, the silhouette, it’s all good data. But alas, we’ll work with what we’ve got.

It was just one of those days. I was running low on steam from the previous week of spring break, everyone out of routine, craziness of work, and the cherry on top: knee deep into my luteal phase. Death spiral commence.

Still, I had two wins of the day. 1) I was immensely comfy because these Annina jeans are the closest thing I’ll get to sweats4 – I’m convinced it’s the 5% cashmere in the fabric composition and 2) I’ve cracked the code to distracting my littles long enough to cook when I’m solo parenting.

Baking trays, a few cups, a few drops of food colouring. They mix away with their chopsticks and turn into mini mixmaster-scientists for 30 mins at least. Two year olds are not known for attention spans past 5 mins. Especially when you’re a twin with essentially a human mirror who eggs you on in the most insane endeavours known to man. AND you’re a boy, their attention spans are essentially nonexistent. That these two were still for that long is quite literally unbelievable.

Monday

Day one of my period, glory be. PMS was a killer this month and I needed that relief like mad.

Sidenote: Have you ever been perfectly in cycle-sync with a bestie for like, an entire year?

Concerning hormonal superpowers aside, this outfit was fine and all, but the high-waisted jeans? On my overworked tummy? Such a no.

Reached for these sweats and immediately felt ease. My smirk at thinking I could ever wear high-waisted, no-give, 100% cotton jeans the first day of period. LOL.

Back in work land, kicked off the week with a zoom call where our whole team showed up with zero plan or agenda and unsurprisingly, it went terribly. Sadly, the CEO was witness to it all, and the CEOs of two other orgs. Starting the week with a solid 🫠🫠🫠😑

But it’s okay, because I threw on my trusty comforting Uniqlo cardi to go pickup my girly from school and we had a lovely time modeling flowers she picked us.

Tuesday

That cuff was the star of the show today. I liked the subtle lines and angles of this outfit, which was pretty boring at the base. I rarely wear black and grey together because they read as flat to me and skew a bit too minimal for my style. But the flippies, cuff, earrings, and of course trusty glasses, took it from boring to dare-i-say,   intentionally pared back?

Wednesday

It was sunshineyyyy and I felt it. Ebbing out of sad weather and sad cycles, towards spring with each day. Wanted to reflect that in my outfit, and light colours and fabrics were it.

I picked up this Arket knit in Barcelona last year – its 100% cotton and a lighter knit which has faired well and had a lot of wear. I’m really into a low v at the moment and kind of loved pairing it with a headband for a preppy look, with the low slung jeans pulling the outfit too far across that prep line.

This was my fav outfit of the week, echoed by the Family Style Panel. “I like that outfit mummy, I like that the stripes have stripes”. Agreed!

Thursday

Thursday was a day of back to back meetings, plus husband went to chase the last power days of the season at Mt Baker Ski area, so I was a soldier down for the morning routine. I wanted colour so grabbed this jumper I got at Ese O Ese, also in Barcelona last year. I have not been impressed with the quality, it has a large hole on the sleeve within a few months of wearing. Has repairing it been on my to-do list for the last 6 months? Of course. Do I wear it anyway? You bet. I’m obsessed with the colour.

It was take my girly to ballet day and I usually try to squeeze in an extra 45 mins of work while she dances, but was utterly over work and decided to read instead. Reading Yesteryear by Caro Claire Burke, a story about a trad-wife style influencer who wakes up in the harsh realties of 1800s to an actual homestead life. I’m only two chapters in I HAVE THOUGHTS, you guys.

Friday

Not only did I make it to Friday… It’s flowerrrrr dayyyyyy!

I got through the first week in the new role, and I knew I’d need something to perk me up by the end. I loathe a week where the only thing I can say I’ve done is work and more work.

Needed a weekend pick-me-up even with all the kids. Especially with all the kids. I told husband we should make our yearly pilgrimage to the tulip festival and he made it all happen – invited friends, figured out food, I barely lifted a finger, he is amazing, the end.

Outfit-wise, I needed something I could chase the kids in5, but still cute, because all those gorge flowers, obvs. At the same time, I wasn’t going for super dressed up, though I saw some women in the most incredible dresses coordinating with their families, and it was so fun to watch.

We attempted to get dinner with our friends and their baby afterwards, and unsurprisingly, it was a mess. Who knew getting resys for four adults, three hangry children and a baby on a Friday night would be hard? But we did it! Was it fun? Did we have stimulating, uninterrupted adult conversation? Not exactly, and absolutely not, but sometimes parenting with your friends in total chaos is the fuel you need for another week, so we’re taking the win.

Saturday

Our Saturday mornings have been nuts recently, but today I got my dream.

All I wanted was for the kids to lie in (ie. until 7:15am) for them to cuddle up in my bed and watch Bluey so I could stay horizontal for an extra 20 mins, and to slowly get ready for the day. It’s a low bar, but it happened and it was glorious. I hate rushing with a passion, and slow Saturday mornings are my love language.

Outfit-wise, I dug out the linen from last summer! I’m determined to give my linen a longer lease on life this year, and spring is not too soon. These trousers in particular, I bought last year in Portugal from Oysho and they’ve been a dream.

Other perks of the day, I of course have covered my house in flowers I bought from the tulip festival.

And then… in the evening, husband convinced me to swing by a bday party for a brand new friend who was 36 weeks pregnant and having twins. It was at 6pm (ie kid witching hour), we went in and quickly realised it was a house party and we were the only ones who’d brought kids.

My boys ran around like crazies, before one sustained a minor burn from a trendy, wood-burning stove and I realised this was my personal nightmare: Parenting in a room of complete strangers, none of whom have small children, while my kid gets hurt, screams, and everyone awkwardly stares.

Needless to say, we stayed for a grand total of 7.5 mins before hightailing it out with copious well wishes for the pregnant bday girl (I’m sure we brought her great calm for her future to come lolol).

Phew. Still, we laughed about it in the car ride home (not always the case) so all was well. That paired with the rest of the day being the chillest Saturday on record, my bright linen trousers, and the fact that we escaped said party with our kids somehow tightly clutching fists of pizza (dinner is sorted, hurrah!) made for a pretty fabulous day.

Annddd… There we have it. The workings, the messy scribbles, a week where I was tired and visible at work but also got dressed. Are you a show-your-workings person or a ta-da-I-did-it person?And most importantly, have you ever made a house party cameo with a swift exit? Please tell me your stories, misery loves company ;) kloveyoubyeeee x

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I love the idea of structure. I was the kid who liked colouring inside the lines, I found comfort in boundaries. Even as an adult, my creative pursuits have a clear formula, instructions, pre-measured materials – they tell you exactly what to do. I follow a plan, get a desired result.

At the same time, we know that the best moments of creative genius come when we aren’t told what to do. White space, blue sky, all that. I’m constantly telling my kids that it’s okay to be bored because boredom is where you find the magic.

I feel the same way about style. Whether you’re starting out or in a rut, is there a chance we’re making it all too… intense? Outfit formulas, must-do’s, must-haves, capsule wardrobes, stop doing, start doing… It’s kind of a lot1.

Enter… “Don’t You Worry ‘Bout a Thing”

I’ve always loved music, but this song means more to me than most.

During a high risk pregnancy with my twin boys in 2023, I was on bedrest for three months. For three whole months, I didn’t stand for more than ten mins at a time.

I’d gone into early labor twice, had two surgeries to keep me pregnant, and bedrest was the final intervention.2 So, bed it was. Those months were some of the hardest of my life. I never realised how critical movement was to the passing of time until I was in the same room moment to moment.

But I found a few things that kept me sane. Putting on clothes and makeup every morning without fail. Good friends who diligently visited and brought me flowers. And music3.

Each day, after my husband and daughter left, I would blast Stevie through the house to gear up for another 24 hours in bed.

Years later, this song still gives me glossy eyes, it really got me through! But I also realized how it applies to both life and style. So stick with me here as we take a ride through the song, have fun, and chill our style all the way out.

🎵 Everybody’s got a thing, but some don’t know how to handle it. Always reachin’ out in vain, just takin’ the things not worth having

On finding your thing: Potentially unpopular take, but I believe everyone has style. Some are just really good at hiding it.

I reckon there’s something innate that attracts us to particular styles, art, colours, and visuals. Design preferences rather than style maybe. But we see the thing and our brain comes alive, it’s tickled! But then perhaps we learn to mask what we inherently love, tone it down, or shift it to fit current trends.

Consider what your thing is, and that’s not just clothing by the way. Let’s not forget: Personal style requires a personality. A beautiful, deep well of experiences had, trips taken, paths walked, songs felt. Whatever you’re drawn to, from art to travel, those will feed into your style.

The question to consider: Everybody has a thing — what’s yours? What gets you excited, itches your brain in the best of ways? When you think back to years past, what have you always worn regardless of trends or fashion?

For me, if we go back to 2021, the year after I had my first child, there’s a few things. Firstly… the colour black. I love it how it looks against my skin tone and it always feels chic and cool.

Second, geometric shapes, sharp angles and lines have visually drawn me in for a long time.

And oversized or baggy anything. I like the idea of being small but taking up a mighty amount of space. Plus, the cool girls I grew up watching in east London wore oversized, loose clothes. It’s how my brain was wired!

If we go back even farther to my twenties…

Simple lines with a touch of borrowed from the boys are also my thing.

As is a dash of vintage…

And of course, you know by now that I’m a life long tonal dresser. Something about it soothes my brain…

🎵 They say your style of life’s a drag, and that you must go other places. But just don’t you feel too bad, when you get fooled by smiling faces

On the comparison trap: Recently my Barre teacher said “no one knows what your body has been through”, so don’t compare to anyone else’s. Same applies here. There’s lot of noise out there when it comes to style. Algorithms, personalized ads, relentless sales tactics, it can have you feeling like you have to keep up, consume, and do something different.

“They” will always have an opinion, people will always have a say. But they’re not dressing your body, your life, or your context. Only you can do that!

The question to consider: Have you ever felt a time where you’ve drifted from yourself style-wise? Where perhaps you’re buying all the things, finding deals, adding to your closet, but it feels more confusing than ever?

For me, that was both times after I’d given birth, had no idea who my new postpartum self was, or how to dress her.

My daughter looked over my shoulder as I wrote this post. Our convo: “Mum, is that you?!” “Yep”. “Oh um… I didn’t really recognize you, because um.. usually you don’t really wear that outfit”. “It’s okay if you don’t like it, darling”. (Visibly relieved) “Okay yea, I don’t like it.”

LOL.

On that note, here’s a look back at the “smiling faces” I’ve been fooled by. Nothing egregious, but I was sartorially confused, distracted by others (far too much IG scrolling), and indiscriminately buying without a plan.

Leopard print has lured me in more than once. But even with its recent resurgence in popularity, I learned my lesson – love for you, not for me.4

The pioneer chic, house-on-the-prairie vibe of 2021 also hooked me…

But as Stevie says, if you’re fooled or get off track, don’t feel too bad! As the meditation gurus suggest – note it, recognize the behaviour, and keep it moving.

🎵 Everybody needs a change, a chance to check out the new. But you’re the only one to see, the changes you take yourself through

On style evolution by your standards only: One of the hardest parts about living our lives on the internet is we’re so visible. Our experiments, the wins, the embarrassments too. But you don’t make progress without trying, without failure, it’s the only way through.

When I started my style journey I would photograph every outfit, and even every item before I bought it when I shopped IRL. It helped me gain another perspective. Some (most) of these early pics make me cringe a bit internally, and I’m certainly not done with my journey, but I feel really good about the progress I’ve made.

We’re all just figuring it out, we all need to try things! And if, like me, you’re a bit type A, lean into learning without needing immediate perfection.

The question to consider: Is there something you’ve been scared to try? Perhaps its playing with more colour in your outfits, maybe you’re eyeing a graphic band tee that seems too ‘out there’? Maybe you just want to wear heels more often in an anti-heel world (thanks, gen z 😏)

Final thought: As Stevie intones, only you can see the changes you take yourself through, so what does progress look like for you? What’s the feeling that comes with being really grounded in your style, when will you know you’ve nailed it?

For me, it’s having a tightly edited wardrobe of clothes I can move in, parent in, work and travel in, that still reflect my personality, fun, and function. With a touch of edge and swagger, because life’s too short not to be a little swaggy!

A few outfits from this week that feel like style progress…

Progress for me is an outfit taking me through multiple eventualities in a day with small tweaks and still feeling comfortable and cool!

🎵 Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing. ‘Cause I’ll be standing in the wings when you check it out

Over to you — one of the many things I love about Substack is how incredibly supportive it is. And not just performatively so, both privately and publicly, it seems to attract the most genuine lovers of life, style, and community. So for those figuring it out, don’t worry, have fun with it, I can’t wait to see what you do — I’ll be waiting in the wings ❤️ 5

This one was fun. We really got into the weeds of my brain here, I scribbled the idea out for this post on a plane home and it thrilled me, so thanks for coming on the ride. And now I know exactly what song I’m off to blast on the speaker… But first, tell me: When you’re truly not worrying or pretending, when you have that feeling of twirling around the room with glee, what do you imagine wearing? What are you turning to over and over?

Kloveyoubyeeee x

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ICYMI

I was featured in my local newspaper this week. Eek!

Three years ago, I started Black to the Outdoors, focused on getting people of colour into nature together. It started selfishly – I wanted more friends who looked like me to play with outside. Then it grew into something much bigger, about belonging, adventure, and community.

As readers of the words I pore over on a weekly basis, it won’t surprise you that words of affirmation are my love language. So it meant a lot that someone – a professional no less – spent time and effort writing about this community. I saw the online version, but it took longer than I care to admit to remember that “news” also meant “in print”. Once the penny dropped, I had to go and buy an edition, natch.

Family reactions ranged from “Mummy, is THAT what the news looks like?!” (my six year old had literally never seen a newspaper. Lol) to “we’re framing this” (husband) to “there’s TWO mummy’s” (the two year olds).

Which got me thinking. Ever since I asked the question what’s in your starter pack, you’ve really shown up to answer. People want to think about this! But as I sat with it, I wondered – do we have more than one starter pack? There’s two mummy’s. And maybe even more!

I love style and fashion. I’m a mum of three hilariously wonderful children. I work full time for a philanthropic organization. I’m a snowboarder and leader of an outdoorsy community group. These are just a few of the identities I hold. There are consistencies across context, but they certainly don’t dress the same. But there are go-to’s and elements native to each. I could think of three starter packs right off the bat: my “mum” starter pack, my snowboarder starter pack, my working girl starter pack.

So this week I’m considering – what are the multiple items that could ID me across different parts of my identity?

Saturday

Today was the last snow event of the season. Each is the culmination of months of organizing, prepping, and encouraging folks totally new to the mountain. Loaning out snow clothes so they aren’t cold (freezing is a fast way to ruin your first time out), organizing carpools (people aren’t always confident driving in snow), arranging discounted tickets (shoutout to Mt Baker Ski area) and generally… mentally prepping people to strap a piece of wood to their feet and slide down a mountain. By the time we get up there, I’m usually exhaustedly gleeful.

I definitely have a set of go-tos for snowboarding. I love with gear that you can buy one set of high quality gear you love and that’s it for years.

My snowboarding starter pack would be this Burton jacket and pants, a liberal dab of cheek glitter (a recent tradition started by a random glitter-spreading dude one day) step-in snowboard bindings (I gifted this to myself postpartum and I’ll never go back to sitting and strapping in. IYKYK) and AirPods (I recently discovered the joy of solo runs with bangers as a soundtrack).

Sunday

Church day and I’ve had this fit in mind for months, felt good to actually put it together. Lots of slouch with the oversized jumper, glasses and wide trousers, but the belt and pointy boot pull it together. This was a highlight of the week and very under appreciated by my family style panel™️ .

Monday

The weather was sunny and it had me feeling like Spring was here to stay. I was going for something light and airy, but slouchy too. This top was… fine. The cotton is so soft it feels like pjs – great for comfort but sometimes feels a bit unfinished when worn by itself.

After work I layered up and took my girl for games and stories at our fav park. It’s sunny and still utterly freezing. At the same time, we’re all desperate for a change in seasons, collectively willing Spring to stay. Hence laying out but being bundled up.

I am not out here wishing for a cold girl summer, so… roll on sunshine.

Tuesday

And roll it did. It was actually warm and bright today! Enough so that I whipped out these bad boy slides. I just saw a meme that said “Everyone’s talking about what we’re wearing for spring. What am I wearing for spring? Exactly what I wore last spring.” I feel that way about these slides. They never get old, and always signal sunshine to my brain.

Wednesday

Colour meets more colour. As the weather turns I cannot get enough, and primary colours are giving me all the joy.

My Completed Works order arrived and I welcomed these beauts into my collection. I’m really into brushed-matte silver anything lately.

Thursday

It poured with rain all day, and yet I refused to wear practical shoes. This outfit was a fav, I’ve worn these trousers eight days in a month, and they’re so versatile. For this tonal dresser, they seem a bit magic, taking on the tone of whatever they’re paired with, today they looked a little green, which I loved. This was my first time wearing this jumper all year and I vowed to wear it more.

This impractical outfit got me all the way through kid ballet drop off and daycare pick ups — take that, rain.

And my second pair of Completed Works earrings, named “Jelly” – they don’t match each other, they’re kind of uncomfortable to wear, and I deal with it happily because they’re just so cool.

Friday

I usually lose steam by end of the week and have a Pilates class mid day so Fridays are never my best outfits. Threw this jumper over my top and leggings for class and added these trainers. Not revolutionary, but fine.

You know what is revolutionary? That this Brit living in America can order wholesale levels of her fav biscuit via the interwebs.

Saturday

Easter egg hunt day, and usually a long but lovely one with all the kids. Their daycare hosted a huge easter egg hunt and it was nice to let them go wild searching, but even better to hang with the parents.

It’s funny how you can not have anything in common with another parent other than your kids adore each other, and yet years down the line, you find that these parents are part of your village. Despite my protests of not wanting “mum friends” (what a dumb dumb) some of these people are my very favourites.

Later that night.

Your girl went outttt.

This is not a drill. I went out. Out, out.

I’m 36, but feel positively ancient plus I’m chronically over-prepared so did the uncreative “going out outfits” search – thanks TikTok for the inspo.

Then I saw this vid…

Challenge accepted!

Some make up, my classic going out top (that top would definitely be in my dancing starter pack) and I was ready. I played around with some very high platform shoes from my younger days, and liked the look. But as I was driving in the flats I happened to grab on the way out, I decided last minute I was sticking with them, and thank goodness I did.

We danced so hard a friend said “it was dumb to go running earlier, I could have saved my energy for this”. Nothing will get you burning cals faster than 3 hours of dancing to reggaeton.

A night was had.

Screenshots

What the scrolling spirits moved me to capture this week…

Keeping the outdoors fashion girly theme going, I enjoyed planning their hiking wardrobe – very much putting the fun in functional.

Cracked me up. Because if you’re sensitive snowflake clothing item, mine is not the home to be in, friend.

And that’s it! Tell me, do you feel like you have multiple selves and starter packs? And when was the last time you went out to dance? It felt so good – especially in flats, which are now in my dancing starter pack. The gen z girlies taught us “business casual in the club” millenials a thing or two about comfort and casual above all – I am indebted!

ICYMI

These are the items in my six year old’s starter pack.

Even at her age, she knows exactly what she’s drawn to and what feels like her. Sometimes, the older we get, the harder that becomes.

We’re in the midst of a cultural shift and more than ever, we’re hunting for clothing that feels specifically, uniquely ours. The phrase personal style is used so much that it can start to feel intimidatingly unattainable, like a test complete with pre-examination hives. But it doesn’t have to be. At its core, personal style is about finding joy in the things that feel most like us. And that’s something you literally cannot fail.

Which brings us to the question: What’s in your starter pack?

What are the five items so essentially you that someone could use them to cosplay you entirely? That feel like an encapsulation of you? And without them, you feel a little off?

I took this question to the Notes streets, and started to guess what others’ answers might be – friends, colleagues, style writers I enjoy. And it was easier for some than others. Some of us have a clear sense, and some are still figuring it out, finding their way to the elements that feel uncopyably theirs. The items exist, so does the intentionality, but the signature isn’t quite there – that’s the messy middle gap I want to play in this week.

Enter… The Group Chat. We’re looking to some of my fav Substack writers, their starter pack answers, and the lessons for finding your own. A visual group learn and frankly, my favourite kind of post to write.

The Group Chat

The Starter Pack

Louisa’s laid-back style is deceptively simple – a white tee, jeans, loafers, but the devil is literally in the details. It’s the shape of the jeans with the gloss of the loafer, the cinch of the white tee with the relaxed braids.

The Lesson: Starter packs aren’t necessarily built on a statement piece. The cut, shape, or detail of an everyday item can make it feel most like you.

The Starter Pack

Simply put, Viv is iconic. Vintage-led, colour-forward, she uses print as a punctuation on the outfit and is inspired by her surroundings from seasons to location. “Ugly chic green” brings a tongue-in-cheek edge and it’s all deeply personality driven.

The Lesson: Let your personality come thruuu – whether it’s deliciously snarky or sweetly wholesome, it’ll show up in your style either way – make it intentional.

The Starter Pack

“RayBan Wayfarers IIs, black ballet flats, Aquaphor, and 2937 tabs open on iPhone”

Traci’s style is classic with an edge of modern silhouettes and clean foundations. Her Ray-Ban Wayfarers II are so on brand that double-takes do happen when she’s without them! A proud member of the Accessories Club2, her most reached-for items say a lot about the power of a solid finishing touch.

The Lesson: An accessory in your wardrobe can feel most like you – across outfits and contexts.

The Starter Pack

“Skirt (thanks it’s secondhand), blazer (that, too), Ganni buckle ballerinas + sheer socks, vintage brooch, and so much sunscreen”

From my vantage, Tina’s items are hers not because she wears these exact things constantly, but because they all convey a feeling. She mixes the hardware of silver studs with the natural of the animal print, and pulls it together with the structure of a blazer and the flow of a skirt. This is very consistent to her style across outfits.

The Lesson: Your starter pack doesn’t have to be items you wear everyday. Have a good sense of the feeling you want your clothes to convey on the regular.

The Starter Pack

Ritika’s style is both intentional and utterly uncontrived – each item plays off the others to feel sculptural, the colour story impeccable, like a character behind the scenes bringing the whole thing to life.

The Lesson: Colour need not be loud, but sometimes it’s the thing that calmly grounds the rest of the outfit.

The Starter Pack

“Something green, something Simon Miller, something sentimental like the necklace with my daughter’s birthstone, something leopard print, and something caffeinated!”

Elin’s starter pack tells you everything you need to know – bold patterns, pops of colour, meaningful accessories, and a drink with a jolt. She has whimsy and practicality in spades, which is absolutely what life with young kids demands!

The Lesson: Your items can hold contradictions – fun and functional are not mutually exclusive.

The Starter Pack

Nina has a way with contrast – high and low, structured and relaxed. Through many of her outfits, her blazers do heavy lifting and are paired with something punchy and unexpected.

The Lesson: A good blazer is one of the most versatile items you can own – if you’re willing to get creative with how you use it.

The Starter Pack

“Bangs, Salomon sneakers, my Ganni tiger print skirt, Swarovski sparkle necklace, and a cup of coffee with half n half.”

Katelyn mixes sporty, preppy, and secondhand into something that feels totally her own. There’s only two of her items in the image I pulled but this fit is a great case study for unexpected pairings, adding contrast all over the shop.

The Lesson: Your personal style doesn’t have to be obviously cohesive. Sometimes the push and pull between items is the cohesion.

The Starter Pack

“A white tee, ballet flats, something striped, a hot bevvy, and a squishy baby ❤️”

Tricia’s style is classic and relaxed with stripes, flats, and her divinely cute baby making the top five (why is this pic making me broody). She keeps her style practical without losing the fun, which anyone navigating babyhood knows is a win!

The Lesson: Your life, in its current stage, is a key part of your starter pack. Dressing for any other lifestyle is a non-starter.3

The Framework: Building Your Starter Pack

Pulling all the learnings from the group chat, a few things to help as you find your way:

• It’s not always about the clothing. The fiction book, the joyfully chaotic kids, the nostalgia-inducing sweets – items you don’t leave home without can say more than anything in your wardrobe. Consider what you grab on your way out of the door that isn’t clothing. That’s important info!

• It’s the feeling, not just the look. Your items don’t have to be ones you wear day in day out, but they should consistently point to the same vibe. Pick three recent outfits you felt most like yourself in and think about what they all had in common.

• The more specific, the better. The fit of the jeans, the tone of the colour. Which hairstyle, what kind of jacket? The more specific you get, the closer you are to naming your signature items. Next time you reach for something for the seventh time that week, note exactly what is is, the specifics, and what is it about that one that you love to grab.

• Contradictions are welcome. Fun and functional, sporty and preppy, wholesome but snarky, let your personality shine through and it’ll help the push and pull to be the cohesion. What are some pairings you’ve hesitant to put together? Have a low stakes wardrobe try-on sesh, take notes from ’s contrast theories and embrace the items that don’t quite “go”!

My Starter Pack: Applying the Lessons

For me, glasses are both fun and functional4.

A while ago, I decided that if I need them, they may as well add some personality. Ever since, I’ve spent serious time on the shapes, materials, and colours added to my frame collection.

The silk press is a practical necessity.

Braids thin out my already fine hair (a sad reality I’ve finally accepted), natural curls are too high maintenance for this season of life, and my hair thrives when I add heat and leave it alone. (Plus, I like the look, ofc.)

The long coat is a feeling.

It makes me feel taller, like I’m taking up space, and a longer outer layer is a dramatic silhouette I enjoy.

Lastly, a book, always.

I’m simply a bookworm with pride in my ability to cross a busy road with my nose deep in a chapter.

These things all feel extremely me at this point. Across contexts and outfits, they’re consistent.

Thank you to Louisa, Viv, Traci, Tina, Ritika, Elin, Nina, Katelyn, and Tricia, for playing along on the Notes and letting me raid your images. You’re all fabulous examples of personal style and I had far too much fun guessing your starter pack answers before you even replied.5

Now over to you. What’s in your starter pack? I need to hear! Drop your five below. And if you’re still finding your way to them, start with the one item you’d just feel off without. That’s always a good place to begin.

And if any of this resonated, send it to someone who’s in the messy middle of figuring out their style.

Kadoreyoubyee x

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ICYMI

I was in San Francisco for work again, but this time, I got it right. I’ve stayed here before in a dark little hotel I’d rather forget – this week I found a delightful spot on the Embarcadero waterfront and watched the sun rise over the water every morning.

The people running, the water lapping. I loved it.

I’m now back home in Washington, and have come to the conclusion, heavily biased by the fact that this has been the wettest, greyest winter I can remember1, that life is significantly easier in the sunshine2.

Not better or simpler – life can be hard wherever you are, of course. But when the weather brings you joy, it’s just one less thing to worry about. So while I was in the sunniest of climes – SF had historic highs the very same week I was visiting – even on a work trip, I had a lovely time. But because of all the travel, I didn’t have time for my usual writing. So instead, this week is a thinking-out-loud collection of the things that have inspired me this week. Including outfits – none of which had layers – a first for 2026!

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Cleo Sol ☀️

Sunshine, you make me feel alive

Little more, little more, just a little more

And if you’re like me and reading this from a slightly soggy or chilly location, allow the sounds of Cleo3 to embrace you as you read.

Getting dressed without the impending threat of rain

In years past, I felt my style was best in cooler weather, because of the opportunities to add personality via layers and the endless combinations of pieces. But the more solid I feel in my style, the less I have to rely on those. I loved warm weather dressing this week!

Not having to think about water-repelling jackets, rain-safe fabrics, soggy hemlines, not to mention the dire consequences of moisture for a silk press, is a ton of mental load I didn’t have to consider. Getting dressed is easier in the sun.

This was my fav outfit of the week and I enjoyed the colour story. And who doesn’t love a notebook-as-accessory moment4…

Sun also means sunglasses, which 1) make everyone look 190% cooler and 2) round out an outfit nicely. Want to dress down? Add sunnies. Want to feel more refined, add a subtle cat-eye or an oval. Just want look cool? Something angular. Sunnies make dressing easier.5

I wore my classic All Saints trench to dinners and when I wanted to be extra. In the heat, layers you do add feel kind of dramatic because they’re utterly unnecessary. You’re wearing them because you want to, not an attempt to avoid hypothermia.

All day sun in all her glory

As I said, I lovedddddd my little hotel. The room was funky and had two small windows, but those windows were doing the most. I had a little routine of raising the blinds for sunrise and then lowering them after sunset — of course I raise and lower shades at home too, but decidedly less thrilling when you’re raising them to rain and lowering them because… you’ve had quite enough of watching it!

Really, truly, bloody good food

Unagi nigiri, off-menu ukoy at liholiho’s, platano maduro at Cubitas, paratha and duck curry at Teakwood, these are a few of my favorite things… 🎵

On the second day of my trip, a colleague said she didn’t like eating. That it’s just another thing to do, a slightly annoying necessity of the human condition. Internally, I gasped.

Could never be me.

The idea of eating perks me up multiple times in a 24-hour period. And SF is a food lover’s dream*6. But then you take it up a notch — food… in the sunshine?! Be it a sandwich on a hastily laid blanket or outdoor seating in delectable sun-rays… Eating is easier in the sun.

Beautiful interiors

I’ll never not be inspired by excellent interior design. It feels very Californian to use natural materials like wood in a modern way, and both PCH and Liholiho’s did that so well.

(Stylish) time with coworkers IRL

I have worked from home since 2020. It’s taken me 5 years to start getting sick of it, though I’ll always love the flex it gives me with my kids. But I’m starting to visit the office more, because it just felt good to not be out on my remote island working solo.

I’ve worked for the same organization for nine years and the people I work with are a large part of what’s kept me here. Nine years means they know me pretty well, and apparently, means they know my style too.

One night my cool girl Gen-Z colleague asked the table: what would be in your starter pack? Half of us needed the concept explained first and then everyone weighed in on mine: A pair of stylish glasses, a silk press kit7, and a novel with a bright cover came out on top.

Indeed, the one day I ditched my glasses in favor of contact lenses, a coworker said they barely recognized me. And another mentioned she wished I could style her, that she has good pieces but no idea how to put them together. I told her to text me any time. My CEO piped up how great I was at styling her for big events, which, guilty as charged, something we fell into as I was prepping her to speak but had strong opinions about her outfit. I just cannot turn it off.

Over the week we had dinner, went on lovely walks, had ridiculously good lunch sushi, and even did a matcha making class. All of these things, graciously accompanied by generous lashings of sunshine ;)

Raising kiddos

Back home, and always inspired by parenting these lovely rugrats! They are outside children, they thrive in fresh air, and sunshine makes that much easier.

What’s inspiring you this week, my loves? Are you getting any sun and what would be in your starter pack – I need to know!? Give me a like or comment below.

See you next week!

It’s been written about by a lot of folks and discussed half to death. This article in particular got chins-a-wagging – a dry, scathing critique of paid subs and brand partnerships – affiliate links and all. It’s since been paywalled (the delicious irony!) but points were made and we all had feelings.

I fluctuate when these things happen, the lighthearted Jamaican in me wants to say it’s not that deep; the British-American side thinks it’s critical living in capitalist societies to examine these things.

I’ve never been against affiliate links, but I thought it a bit much, encouraging us to buy more when it’s the last thing we actually need. But as always, there’s nuance.

When I was newly postpartum, was the first Substacker I subscribed to, and no exaggeration – was nothing short of revelatory. I had no idea what to put on my body, and though our proportions are different, she showed me silhouettes, styling, possibilities and yes – where I could actually shop for those things.

This take in particular cemented my shift in thinking…

The magazines I grew up idolizing – Vogue in particular – those featured brand placements didn’t appear out of the goodness of Anna Wintour’s heart. They’re based on long-term relationships, deals done over lavish dinners, free samples sent to editors with a hope and a prayer (I sent many of them myself as a fashion intern many moons ago). If the same thing is happening now, but democratized because we all have the power to build our own little empires, that appeals to the socialist within me, and the capitalist too I suppose. I support the notion of power not being concentrated at the top, but spread across society, and particularly by women.

Some people do shill items like one-woman production factories, and that feels inauthentic (and dangerous). But some get it oh-so-right and a well-placed, trusted rec will never go unappreciated.

So apparently this is a mini love letter to those doing the work and moving at the speed of trust, with really good bloody judgement along the way.

And I’m getting there too. Almost three years postpartum from my twins (six years since my daughter) I have a good sense of my style, I know where I love to shop, and try to prioritize vintage and secondhand, with a smattering of new.

Which leads us nicely to what I wore this week.

Sunday

Kicking things off with my actual birthday. Because last week at the hotel was just the pre-birthday. My Pisces girls understand ;)

After a lavish two days of eating all the peaches2, I came home and got loved on by my family.

A nice walk at my fav place, brunch with my favourite girl, cake and balloons, finished with dinner with my fav guy. I honestly had the best day.

For dinner, we got a babysitter, which meant no threat of little PB&J covered fingerprints, plus we had sunshine. So I got excited and got out the whites. I layered a coat over — of course, but I’m determined to usher in spring no matter the actual temps outside.

Monday

Monday was a work from home day, I styled these vintage Levi’s for the first time and still so in love. I like how they have an old school “mom jean” fit, they’re super easy to reach for, and I never feel the need to belt them. With this slightly oversized breton, they made a classic but fresh outfit.

One thing husband and I decided to outsource when we could, was deep cleaning. I often say it’s the best thing I spend my money on as an adult, and I’m only partly joking. On Mondays, there’s a fleeting two hours between the cleaners leaving and my kids get home, where my house is spotless, magical, and untouched. With fresh flowers? Just a middle aged-mama’s dream!

Tuesday

My Soeur order arrived today! Bought four pieces to try and loved one – these trousers. These are my second new purchase of the year. Threw a ribbon leftover from a gift in my hair and was shocked how dainty I felt all day.

The trousers just worked. I can tell when a piece is meant to be, because I’m immediately inspired to try it on with a load of other things in my wardrobe3…

Enjoying the tension of the sporty with the pleating and the raffia mary jane.

Volume meets volume (and a slimline trainer).

Need an excuse to wear this fit – I got this suede, fringed beauty on TRR and have only worn it once. This year, I’m determined!

Wednesday

Back to the vintage finds. Today was the day for these Halston sangria coloured trousers. I knew I wanted to do something tonal with a bit of blue. I liked with this shirt, but untucked was throwing the proportions.

Better with it tucked, but still felt not quite it. Paired with the glasses and very neat hair, it felt too formal. So did we have another mini try-on sesh in the middle of the day? Yes, yes we did.

Removing the shirt and adding the mary janes felt tonal and fresh.

This Maison Labiche sweatshirt is such a chameleon hero piece and I always reach for it to add punch to an outfit.

Amped up the sporty with these Jeffrey Campbell trainers and we like.

These trousers are the gift that keep giving and will take me deep into spring and summer.

Thursday

Another chill work from home day, and time for these silkies to make their debut, to the highly impressed audience of me, myself, and my zoom screen.

Tried some things with this tee since it has so much volume. Tied the oversized jumper at the back with a hair tie and tucked to give the peplum more room to shine. Didn’t quit nail it, but it was playful!

Some dear friends took me for a belated birthday dinner and I reached for these trousers again – they can be dressed up or down so easily. Went full tonal and added these blue suede boots.

Donned this navy coat, tugged a bit at the neckline of my jumper, and enjoyed the asymmetric line vibing with the earrings. `

Friday

Womp wompppp, the dud outfit of the week. I had a Pilates class booked mid-day, the morning with the kids was particularly insane (read: we all slept in by accident), and I just didn’t know what to wear. The joke is, I ended up cancelling my class last minute, and my day was cannibalised by a self-review process I learned was due by END OF DAY. I loathe self reviews – all I hear is “tell us in detail, why we should keep you employed – and make it good”.

I did, however, get the awful thing done. Shudders. Roll on the weekend!

Saturday

A fun day! Husband took the kids in the morning while I washed my hair, wrote the very words your’e reading, and packed for an overnight getaway — back to Vancouver for a comedy show!

I liked the layering, but it felt a lot more me with just the one…

Added my trusty coat and black Vans for a laid back, no fuss, look.

We arrived and went for a lovely sunny walk along the water, before napping like only parents of toddlers can. I vaguely recall muttering “who the hell naps at 5pm” before completely passing out.

Then it was time to get ready for dinner and a show. The black silkies made a repeat appearance. Because of the deep smoker smell requiring a washing machine exorcism, they’ve gone from a true black to more of a washed black (literally).

But since I only packed four items – hastily grabbed - the trousers added some tone and depth to the sea of black.

Screenshots

What the scrolling spirits moved me towards this week…

Speaking of well-placed, trusted recs… loved ’s post on Skipping to Summer. Is this swimsuit now on my wishlist? Oh yes. That square neckline feels so fresh.

After lamenting about styling the “wildcard” houndstooth vintage skirt I bought last week, the ever-fabulous sent this inspo and I’m plotting how I can recreate it ASAP.

Not a post, not even on Substack, but I’m positively gasping for prolonged sun exposure. A girly can dream (and scroll)!

And that’s the week – a birthday, a comedy show, a smoky exorcism and enough vintage finds to keep me inspired for a minute. Not too shabby.

As always, a like or comment means the absolute world and helps people find our little corner of the internet. Tell me your thoughts on the great affiliate link debate, how you “ate the peach” this week, or just validate my hatred of self reviews, I’m all ears! 🍑🍑

Kthanksbyeeee xx

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Not in a she’s really got it together way – I typically do not in fact, have anything together. More in an… I’ve lived in this body long enough to know what it needs, what it likes, and what looks ridiculous on it. Or, what looks so ridiculous it actually works (the line between absurd and stylish is razor thin, my friends!)

A few years ago I went shopping with a friend. She’d suggest items for me and I’d definitively say “yes” or “nope”, and she was like “umm you really know what you’re looking for.” I got a bit self conscious, taking a few things into the fitting room I knew were “no’s” for the sake of appearing open.

But increasingly, I’ve stopped pretending that I don’t know. I do, and it sounds like a small thing, but it isn’t. It’s knowing, yes. But it’s also stepping into that knowledge. As women we have a lot of intuition, but we’re often ignoring it for fear of society, judgement, shame – before we’ve even had the chance to act on it.

The Inspo: Eat the Damn Peach.

I saw this comic years ago, before I even had kids. A woman sees a ripe, perfect peach and immediately decides to save it for her children. Her husband sees the same peach and immediately decides to eat it. This whole concept stuck with me. That as women, we have a tendency to save the best for those we love, wait to enjoy it with them, or ignore what we want and get our joy vicariously.

But she invites us to eat the damn peach. Thousands of women sent pictures putting themselves first, from reading a book in the sun instead of being “productive”, to trying dessert they don’t usually get to eat because their kids finish it first (eff that btw – I made a lemon curd cheesecake recently and definitely gave myself bigger servings. Baker’s tax. Sweat equity. Sue me, kiddos)

My point is, sometimes it feels really hard to do something for yourself. This week, I booked myself two days in a nice hotel. Generally, I don’t feel mum guilt. I travel often for work, I love my career, I help provide for our family, and save for a few wobbles, have a decent semblance of (whispers) balance. But I did feel guilty for this one. Because I wasn’t working, hanging with my husband, kids, or even my best friends, I was just solo. I felt… introvert guilt?!

But I ate the peach. I went on the trip, and surprise surprise, it was exactly what I needed.

The Hotel: Asking For The Thing.

After a late night working so I could properly take the rest of the week off (PTO tax!) I dropped the kids to school, packed, and got on the road. I got to my hotel in Vancouver by the skin of my teeth. Somehow, I completely lost phone data between the US and Canada (never happens) and had to find the hotel without it.

If you know me, you know how horrendous my sense of direction is. Like, get lost going round the block bad. So no-one was more relieved than me to pull in. I’ll share what happened next at the risk of sounding like a slight ass, but hopefully you’ll understand.

Previously, I’d asked for a room facing Vancouver Art Gallery, they were the most beautiful views in the hotel.

When I checked in, it was a lovely room… with a view of a very large, very ugly rooftop. I sat for a moment and thought, well the room is so gorgeous, I shouldn’t be disappointed… but I was. Living just across the border, I’m in the city often, and wasn’t going to be out exploring all day. My plans entailed baths, journaling, naps, shopping, movies, and room service. If all went well, I’d be hanging in my room a lot.

So I called front desk and asked politely (but confidently) if I could have the view I’d requested.

Within 10 mins, I was in an equally lovely room… with an incredible view of the gallery1.

If you were expecting a thing, you’re paying for a thing, and the thing isn’t delivering? You deserve to ask. You’re not being overbearing, obnoxious, irritating, or crazy. You’re simply asking for your expectation and that’s okay. If it’s a no, it’s a no (it’s rarely a no). Ask for the damn thing.

I got settled in as I figured out my shopping game plan. Across the street was a huge mall, with COS and All Saints, both on my list to visit. The vintage store was a 30 min walk. So tempting to go mall first, but I stayed strong and took the walk.

The Store: Buying the Damn Thing

I arrived and was in heaven — beautifully organized clothes as far as the eye could see.

Here’s what was on my wishlist…

You know how when you shop at regular stores, you find an item and you can get it in various sizes, colours, there’s coordinating items, it’s part of a collection? Shopping vintage is the opposite. It’s an exercise in gambling, Russian roulette, and pure patience.

But there’s also a reward for knowing. Yourself, your body, what you’re looking for. What you see is exactly that. If it’s not right for you, it’ll be right for someone else, but when it is right for you… it’s like striking gold. For petite girlies especially, vintage can feel like a leveling of the playing field — you’ve spent years learning exactly what works on your frame, being able to eyeball your measurements on a garment, the fabrics that will skim and those that will swamp, that knowledge is total currency here.

Things I bought

Trousers: Straight leg mid wash jean

Put these on, boom, knew immediately. The second item on my list, right off the bat. The high waist, the wash, the shape… Vintage Levis 550s, which I’d just read about in ’s jeans coverage. Couldn’t believe my luck. And then…

Linen drawstring

These 100% linen beauties, they need a hem and they’re a touch big, but I couldn’t pass them up. The pleating, the soft volume – they’re even better in person and I’ll be reaching for them come summer.

Black silkies

!!!! This is when going vintage before new really pays off, the shopping gods smiled down.

Most perfect fit, petite sizing, 100% silk, insane price. Annoyingly, they belonged to a smoker which I missed in the store, because well… everything slightly smells in vintage stores. Currently six hours and two gallons of ammonia into deodorizing (following ’ excellent instructions like I’m being graded) 😭 But the smell is slowly lifting and I still think they’re worth it.

Berry berry Halston

These are acetate and viscose, thin, a little cropped, and such a bargain at $60 CAD. Wide legged, lovely drape, and obviously, the colour. Will add lots of warmth to outfits come summer. Imagining with a white top and flats for a strawberries and cream moment, or with the paler version of this blue in a cropped tee and the lilac trainers I bought last week.

Skirts: Cornflower A-line

Remember how I was just saying I wanted more skirts? Hiii! I wasn’t really looking for this one, but it found me. The colour is my season, and paired with a black high necked-vest and some strappy sandals for summer? Yum.

Houndstooth Pleats

This pleated houndstooth is a bit of a wildcard. Not seasonally appropriate, too dark and heavy for spring, but it felt so Thom Browne/Doechii-coded and I want to style it with a graphic band tee and chunky boots immediately. Or slimline trainers and a thin knit? I kind of have no clue how I’ll wear this – hence wildcard.

Wildcard 2: Banana yellow anorak

Take one wildcard, throw another on top…

LOL I won’t be wearing it with this skirt. But, inexplicably, I love this anorak (said no-one cool, ever 😏).

It’s giving… fisherwoman? I don’t even know, but I was really drawn to it. It’s so old (at least twenty years) very random (some brand called Pacific Trail), but I do have a rule that I can only buy rainwear in bright colours, so it brings joy on a dreary day.

But maybe not being able to explain why I wanted it is the point. There’s a specific kismet when thrifting or shopping vintage — when your body just says yes before your brain has caught up with reasoning.2 Learning to trust that instinct without needing to justify it is, I think, the whole game. In clothes, but also in life too. Perhaps it’s a good testing ground, a sandbox if you will, for building the muscle of trusting one’s instinct in a low stakes way.

Things I didn’t buy

The denim trench I thought about a lot, but I’m happy I didn’t buy it. My gut had already said “no”, but I realise I felt FOMO. It had power to be a hero piece. That item you throw over anything and it oozes personality. But ultimately it felt a little too trendy and not like me.

Interestingly, these items have a lot in common, you can definitely see what I’m looking for. They’re all tailored, textured jackets, but had clear reasons for not coming home with me. The middle is an All Saints suede cropped trench — with a belt, why would I belt a cropped jacket, the mind boggles3.

The pink suede jacket would be chef’s kiss on the right person. I liked it on me, but it wouldn’t vibe with my closet, which has zero pink tones. I’m a cool-toned Summer, and pastels are already a push for this all-black loving girl, but pinks are a step too far.

Ditto with the trousers I didn’t buy, you can see what I was looking for. Colour, tailoring, a slight taper at the ankle. The khakis were too big but I liked the green; the yellow were a lovely raw silk, but I couldn’t see myself actually wearing them. The dark red suede were ah-mazing, I truly hope they find the right person, and the peach simply weren’t my colour, too warm-toned.

And lastly, the one that got away…

Thirty-Six: Knowing The Damn Thing

I had my daughter in February of 2020, two weeks before I turned thirty (c-section recovery and COVID lockdown, yep it was exactly the rager you’re imagining) and every year she gets older I forget I’m growing too.

Six years of being a mother, thirty-six of being just a girl. And yet, I know myself. We know ourselves.

So let this be your little nudge to give yourself what you need and be confident about it. Eat the peach. Go on the solo trip4 (where my introverted extroverts at?!) Buy the thing. As I was reminded watching Bridgerton with my daughter5 – Life is meant to be lived!

It’s my birthdayyy and as per usual, all I want is a natter – a comment, a like, it all means the world. Don’t be shy, tell me do you eat the peach or save it? Do you feel like you’re coming to know yourself more with age, or do we all still not have a clue? Did I buy too many summer clothes given it’s currently tipping it down as we speak, or is optimism all that will get us through?!

“Style is a state of curiosity, confidence, and vision” - This TikTok queen

This week on the podcast, Christina said something that’s stuck with me as she discussed European beauty standards. Obviously, aspiring to one heralded ideal is harmful to all of us, regardless of how we look. But she pointed out that the thin, blonde beauty standard deeply impacts white women — because they’re expected to try and embody it, and if they don’t, they’re punished by society. As Black women and (any other race), there’s a slightly tarnished freedom – we’re never going to achieve that beauty standard, nowhere close to it, so it’s pointless to even try.

This sums up how I feel about the current CBK discourse. For those of you who don’t know, there’s a national obsession with the show depicting Carolyn Bessette and John F Kennedy Jr’s love story. I’m generally quite uninspired by her style (call me when Devil wears Prada 2 is out, then I’ll be seated) but more importantly, I noticed this zig is making me want to zag.

I’ll never look vaguely like the CBK aesthetic, thin, white, blonde, wealthy, nor do I particularly care to. So why not zag as hard as possible – and have fun while I’m at it?

All that to say, my focus this week was… How can I mix it up? We’re deep into winter, cresting on spring, but it’s still very cold out (east coast and other freezing climes, I’m thinking of ya).

I’m bored by the jumper and jeans combo, especially when I’m working from home with no coats or shoes to fall back on. But how do I create outfits with visual interest? Let’s see how I fared.

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Sunday

A bit of a cheat day, because I find it easier to create visual interest with dresses or skirts. Though it has come to my attention that I have hardly any skirts in my possession, I enjoy a skirt, but just don’t reach for them, and I’d like to change that. Anyway, colour is definitely my preferred way of adding visual interest, then silhouette, then texture. This chocolate and sangria colour combo, I find so satisfying.

Monday

Started off the week strong with this fit which I really liked. But this was day 8 of 9 solo parenting, so all my energy went to dragging myself out of bed and getting dressed. Days like this are awful for getting any actual work done at home, so I took myself off to a coffee shop, where I was rewarded for my efforts by this stylish short queen, rocking her long coat. As we covered last month, her hemlines were the same length, but the colour contrast meant it didn’t visually overtake her frame.

Enjoyed her style – very refreshing in my little town where people care about their clothes in reference to the weather and activity only.

When I got home, I had a nice pick-me-up waiting — my package had arrived and it was these lilac beauties.

They simply are not a shoe you hide under a long hem…

Much better.

They’re my first new purchase of the year and I’ve had them on my feet ever since. They feel like spring in a shoe, both comfortwise and colourwise – I’m in love.

One more thing for Monday – THIS is what my outfit looked like by the end of the day.

I love to see the outfits people wear all day – not just in front of a mirror, but in all the messy iterations of daily life. As soon as the kids come home and the pickup-dinner-bath-bedtime pipeline begins, all bets are off on what gets thrown by the wayside. Let me be clear, that morning outfit selfie is the best and only time I look that put together. It is quite literally only downhill from there lol.

Tuesday

This outfit felt quite blah, certainly not the visual “zag” I was channeling. I felt bad I hadn’t worn these jeans much, given the massive fuss1 I made about them in my great denim try on. So I wanted to whip them out.

But, they are wide leg in a way that sometimes reads “bootcut”, which I don’t love on me. So they’re requiring more styling thought than I imagined. Fine, but the week I’m a parent down and hanging by a thread is not the one for it! So, I paired with a cropped jumper, added a belt and called it a day. The glasses and shoes saved this one, I fear.

But then, in other news, traveling husband returned from snowboarding in Japan! Bringing excellent gifts including toys, snacks, bath salts, and ceramics. But most importantly, help for this bone-tired mumma 🤪

Wednesday

Guys, whenever I wear this damn jumper it makes me smile like a fool. It is the definition of dopamine dressing and I love it.

These stripes, the slouchy oversized-ness, and the softness of the chenille make me feel sunny even on a dreary day. I like to pair it with the contrast of a slightly dressy trouser with a waist tie detail. It’s a top that could skew heavily whimsical and hippy, but grounding it in black just feels good. Barefoot and all.

Throw in the fact that our fam was reunited, I got to sleep an entire night, and have a Thai dinner date with myself and a book2 it’s no wonder I’m smiling.

Thursday

Slowly getting more casual and comfy the closer we get to the weekend.

I liked this outfit! These trainers making their third appearance since they arrived – they deserve to be seen, so tend to pair with a slightly cropped hem. The graphic colour blending on the jumper gives a pop of visual interest and the frame with the bottoms ground it all.

This outfit was so comfy it lasted right up until bedtime. Naadam’s cashmere is affordable, and the quality is good but not great, so it’s been pegged as my – roll around with the kids and get grubby – knitwear.

In other news, I bought myself flowers and they distinctly perked up my WFH experience. I love having flowers in the house and yet, each year somehow forget about them until February when I remember their existence and feel compelled to buy flowers on repeat.

Lastly, a fun little throw back. On Thursday, no less!

When I was 15, while my peers covered their bedroom walls with TLC and Moesha, mine were covered with… fashion spreads from Vogue magazine. I’d carefully rip and cut pages I loved and stick them to my walls. The models I adored – Agyness Deyn (her cool girl aura!) Jourdan Dunn (her face! those brows!), Lily Cole (her features! that hair!) and brand shoots I loved.

On Thursday night, something got into me, I just started ripping pages and five issues in, I finally finished. I will not be adorning the walls of my bedroom anytime soon, but perhaps I’ll get a big board I can pull out from time to time as an IRL moodboard.

It felt so fun, nostalgic and analogue. In our world of screens, perhaps we need something that feels slightly Luddite-esque, anyone else have an overly analogue activity of choice?

Friday

I liked this. Sporty, kind of musmy (something about the loose top with leggings) but interesting and highly functional. I worked from home, but had a midday Pilates class. I added the striped top just for the looks, but for a tiny detail, it takes the outfit from basic to interesting.

A word on this bag, It’s Madewell from 2012. And it’s still very much going. It’s been tucked away unused for about five years – I didn’t get rid of it either, which is unlike me. I’m the opposite of a hoarder, I’m a purger, and then 2 years later I’m like where are those gorgeous boots. But this bag survived every cull, and I recently fell back in love with it. It’s old, scratched up, has a patina, and it’s still fabulous. A solid case for using the hell outta your bags.

Saturday

Today was the busiest and longest Saturday I’ve had for a while. The fam divided, I took our girly to ballet dress rehearsal while husband took boys to a birthday party. Then the two of them hung out while the boys napped at home. Then our girl had her dance recital, and we all went to see her —cuteness overload.

Then back home for a quick dinner, before our lovely babysitter came and we got ready to go to a ball closing out Black History Month. A ball, a ball!

Dress code was “formal but come in whatever makes you feel your best”, and was hosted by the local Black Student Coalition, so I knew it’d be fun with big Gen Z energy. So I had three options:

One…

Two…

Three…

I went with this, and so glad I did — felt amazing.

This is actually a top I found on The RealReal and it’s my absolute greatest find of all time. 100% silk, vintage Gucci. Pristine condition… $129. Whaaaat. It was back in the day, when TRR often mislabeled items and I snapped it up before someone noticed.

My family style board (aka 6yo daughter and husband) had to convince me that it didn’t look as if I was missing trousers (reader please confirm – does it look like that?!) but I added a coat, a clutch, a good shoe, red lip, and accessories, and she was ready for her maiden voyage.

We danced the night away – as much as you can when your babysitter has plans to attend. So we danced half the night away, but had a beautiful time!

Screenshots

What the scrolling spirits moved me towards this week…

and speaking wisdom and making me giggle at the same time.

Truly missing the point, but it must be said – “black mules” are now firmly on my wishlist because.. ugh. So good.

Speaking of outfits that pack a visual punch and zag – been so inspired by recently, the layering, the colour story, the excellent skirt styling – all round fabulous-ness.

That’s a wrap on my week – did I zag hard enough? You tell me.

And how was yours – tell me about your analogue hobbies, your CBK hot take, or just give me a cheeky “like” – any and all love is welcome.

K thanks byeee xx

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My entire being is tired, but today’s post is in direct response to you, my lovely reader. I’ve been hearing from you a lot this week – in my comments, in the DMs, and I’m focused on one sentiment in particular.

Firstly, many of you are fellow shorties. Hurrah! Uses hobbit voice. Welcome, welcome, gather in my tiny friends. There’s plenty of space. You taller folk too, you’ll be able to see right over our heads!

Secondly, I leaned that when some of you see a long coat, it’s an immediate.. nope. For a short girly? Not for me.

This comment was from the fabulous of (her recent Super bowl post was truly excellent).

I gasped, for I love a long coat.

In fact, the majority of last year’s work trips, which I consider the truest manifestation of my closet – hardworking, versatile pieces that show personality, creativity, and earn their place in my carry on, I packed this floor-length trench.

I rely on long coats so much as a styling crutch, it’s hard to feel satisfied without one.

But I get it, a long coat isn’t easy to wear when the height just ain’t there. I mean, there is a colossal difference between this…

And this…

Important context: I’m short short, 5ft nada. I have a tiny torso and long legs. As in, I can stand next to a 5’ 6” friend and our hips will start at the same point. But the space between my belly button and base of my ribs is like, half a centimeter. Ok not actually, but you get my drift – long legs short torso.

So how does one not gifted with inches successfully navigate long coats?

Overall, we’re trying to avoid looking like the coat is wearing us. We’re in balance, the proportions are working, and everything feels cohesive.

I’m by no means an expert, but I’ve had a lot of practice. Taken pictures, switched out pieces, lots of outfit selfies, lots of playing in my wardrobe. This is an attempt to articulate a few things that are now second nature when styling long coats on my little ole bod.

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The coats featured:

• Navy Massimo Dutti belted coat, bought in 2022, but found a pre loved version here.

• Black Sandro tailored wool coat, found on The RealReal last year, here’s the link for reference.

• Black All Saints Lightweight trench, also old, bought in 2023, similar here.

First up…

Give Your Hemlines a Non Compete

Make sure your skirt or trouser hemlines are not competing with the hem of your coat. If they’re the same colour and the same length, they will blend into one. Visually, it’ll look like a dense block that overwhelms a small frame.

I will show infinitely better than I tell. Roll the visuals!

What works:

Similar hemlines, but high contrast from the light wash jeans and black coat. We’re focused on the hems for now, but pushing up the sleeves to give a peek of jumper, plus wearing the coat open, add visual interest and draw the eye down.

Unstyled, the jeans are the same hemline as the coat. So I rolled them up to add an inch more space, and the stark colour contrast helps, especially as I’m in a flat chunky boot.

Three hemlines is a bit more of a challenge. But in this case, the cream on white layer nicely and the high slit offers an invitation for the eye to move vertically. Plus the high contrast of the trench, with the height from the boots — ding ding ding! This is a win win win long coat short girly situation.

What doesn’t work:

It’s not terrible, but there’s no contrast between the hemlines, meaning the bottom half of the outfit feels less intentional. The top half feels strong with the colour, lapels, horizontal stripes, but the bottom fizzles out. The shoe does save things, I think? Opinions please – would a black, pointy flat have been better to lengthen the line, or does this contrasting raffia keep it fresh?

Back to what works… MK&A, our short queens are backing me up here: If the hemlines are a similar length, contrasting colours are it!

Being a mum of identical twins, it brings me no pleasure to say – I don’t know who is MK and which is A 😮‍💨 tell me in the comments? But red skirt is similar hemline as the coat, so the colour contrast is absolutely necessary. Black trouser and black coat hem are at different lengths – could be a risk in lower light for everything to blend together, but the clear length difference means they visually translate as distinct pieces.

Last point here: For those of us who love a tonal or monochromatic look, the colour contrast doesn’t always have to be stark.

Here, hemlines are a similar length, but it works even with the slightly contrasting washed black of the jeans against the true black of the coat. But, the denim are also a straight leg veering on slimmer fit, which makes a difference. And brings us to...

Build your Base with Proportions in Mind

Pay close attention to the fit and proportion of what’s underneath the long coat. This one is an art, not a science – trial & error, wardrobe try-on sessions, and outfit selfies will be your best friends. But balance is the name of the game.

Usually, when styling a long coat, your outfit base should be a slimmer fit, ideally with a higher-rise trouser/skirt to draw the eye vertically and lengthen the lines.

Here’s what works:

The shirt is oversized, but the vertical lines are drawing the eye down, and unbuttoning shows some skin, so it doesn’t translate visually as “shirtshirtshirt”. It’s untucked, so I lose the longer lines of a high-rise trouser, but again, the vertical lines make up for things, paired with the slimmer fit jeans and the slight height from chunky fisherman sandal.

Rules are made to be broken, and this is where experimentation comes in. You can do oversized under a long coat, but it needs to be balanced with height and lead the eye vertically. Here I have wider barrel jeans and another layer – without the height and point of the boot,it’d be too much.

You can also do flats, but it should be balanced with silhouette. The base can be the same colour as the coat, but in that case, needs to balance with height and silhouette.

Other ways to engage in a little proportion play – throw a belt around it, it’ll introduce a diagonal line which can bring some movement and drama. Here we have a basic white tee and jeans outfit base.

Add the belted coat and it’s a whole different look. Note, the belt does need to be tonally the same, any other colour wouldn’t work. It should be thin too. The idea is to add shape, but not break up the lines of the coat too much.

What doesn’t work:

The concept of this outfit is fine, but in practice, there’s too much going on for my frame. Even though it’s tucked, the extra fabric of the baggy top plus the vintage scarf draw the eye up and out. The scarf covers the lapels of the coat, which is exactly what counters the length and draws the eye down.

This is better. A scarf with muted colours add less visual weight, wrapped in a way that allows the coat lapels to be seen and draw the eye down.

You’ll notice even in this “doesn’t work” example, the bottom half of the outfit isn’t bad at all, and that’s mostly because of the tapered boot. So our final lesson…

The Shoe Should Add Balance (Not throw it off)

Left the most self-explanatory for last, because I’m running out of steam faster than Tyra Banks avoids accountability. (Lol not Tyra catching strays). But in relation to the previous point, the shoe needs to work with the long coat and not against it.

What works:

A shoe with height will always help, a shoe with a pointy or tapered shape will only keep the good times rolling.

Even though these are flats, showing a little bit of skin along with the point of the mary jane adds height and balance to the outfit.

What doesn’t work:

These are an Adidas Bold that give a few inches, but the chunky round shape underneath the slouchy trouser and contrasting trench hem is throwing off the balance. Imagine the sleek brown boot from earlier here — immediate improvement.

That’s it for now! I hope this has been fun, I love a visual and love a long coat. Btw, have a look on TRR and see if you can snag deals – I often buy my winter items as attentions and markets shift to warmer seasons, but I’m still very much in the cold weather — bargains to be had.

Tell me if I’ve convinced you to try a long coat or try something new with one you already have. And if you’re a long coat lover, how do you style yours, what am I missing? In the mean time I’m off to sleep for the next 48 hours, ha just kidding I have 3 little kids kbyeeee.

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ICYMI, more shortie-friendly good stuff…

But still, the idea of a day dedicated to love of all kinds? You just can’t argue with that, especially these days. So I leaned into it.

I kept coming back to Lindsay’s post on pairing red with blue to soften its intensity. As a 5 ft girly, I’m always thinking about how to wear bold colours without them overwhelming my frame. So I spent the week playing with it. I learned that for me, it’s about three things: silhouette, tonal pairings, and accessories.

Let’s get into the week…

Sunday

Church followed by… BENITO BOWL. Cue the tears, because that Super Bowl half time show was nothing short of revelatory. I LOVED IT. We’ve spent the week jamming to Bad Bunny and my 5 year old announced “I’m just gonna say “Hola!” to everyone forever”.

Back to the clothes. The weather was dreary and grim, my hair needed a wash (a theme this week, get ready to see braids every day) and I just wanted to wrap up, so I cocooned in this old Massimo Dutti coat and slouchy trousers.

But, it’s spring, even if the weather wasn’t in agreement, so instead of reaching for more black, I wore a striped green breton and these raffia flats, which brought texture and a bit of playfulness. Post church, I changed into comfy sweats and we had some friends and their kids to “watch” the game. Chaos ensued.

And oh yes, the Seahawks won. Yay Seattle, go, fight, win, all the sport things. My boys repeatedly shouted “basketball!” at the screen – so rest assured we’re all at the same level when it comes to knowledge of American football.

Tell me how you felt about Bad Bunny?! We need a group debrief. But only if you loved it, I’m staying firmly in my echo chamber for this one. And if you watched the other half time show — you’re in enemy territory ;)

Monday

I unintentionally kept the sporty vibes going. I bought this rugby shirt a few months ago and it’s been such a go-to. It’ll have good run into spring too – pastels, oversized, a fleece lining with easy, elasticated seams – yes.

A tonal look always feels like a bit of me and these Agolde low slung baggys have been my most worn jeans – ever since I bit the bullet and hemmed them myself (here’s my full rollercoaster of sewing emotion).

Throw in some spice with the glasses and earrings, and I quite liked this outfit.

Tuesday

The colour combo of the week thanks to – red and blue balance each other so well. And then I realised: Tuesday’s outfit felt like the winter version of two outfits I loved wearing in Portugal last summer.

I do feel red can overwhelm short figures though. Some things I keep in mind when wearing it:

• Silhouette: I keep pieces cropped or above the hip so they don’t swallow my frame. The red jumper, the tee, and blue shirt all end at the right spot.

• Accessories: The sleeves on the jumper below were so fitted, I could add my everyday copper bangle, which added some nice visual interest, plus the red glasses — I’ve yet to find an outfit they don’t complement.

  

• Tonal Pairings: Red and blue together are enough of a statement, I don’t add anymore colours. The burgundy handbag from last summer work tonally, even the blue nails are vibing with the blue trousers. Whatever other colours I add, I make sure they don’t threaten the main characters.

Wednesday

Wednesday was a bit crazy even for me. Kicked off the day with Pilates at 8am – I’m brand new to reformer machine classes. Where my Pilates girlies at? I’m usually a very Type A exerciser: I like distance trail running, lifting heavy weights, and classes with overly loud music. The slower pace of yoga or mat pilates tends to bore me. But something about that reformer, man. The way my body felt after a 30 min intro, I couldn’t help but sign up.

At 9am, when Pilates finished I did a quick change – jeans and a longline cardi – and ran to my daughter’s school to volunteer in her classroom. Discussed critical topics with 15 other adorably kindergartners like – “why don’t all superheroes know how to fly?”.

At 10am, I raced home to join an all-staff meeting and give a presentation on my work at Sundance. Which I’d been asked to do the day before the meeting. Phew. Usually, when these things collide, I get overwhelmed and my instinct is to cancel something, usually it’s me-time. But I didn’t, I kept all the things, including the one that set my day up for success (ie. the workout) and it all went fine. Hurrah!

Thursday

One of those days where I was in an outfit funk. I’ve been leaning towards colour all week and wanted to wear this oversized chunky turtleneck. Initially paired it with these straight/skinny Agoldes for balance.

But it just didn’t feel like me, so I added a barrel leg and felt much better about it. Being short, the common guidance is balance, big on top so skinny on bottom. But sometimes what feels right is big everywhere.

Friday

Friday was a good one. Kid drop-off, work from a coffee shop, then Pilates at noon. I knew I’d be working before class, but didn’t want to lug around a change of clothes. I threw this Wales Bonner jumper over my Pilates fit and was into it. I was the most fun dressed in class :)

Then it was time for a pre-Vday lunch date with my guy. We don’t live near family, so daytime when the kids are at school is usually the best time for dates. Plus, whenever we go out for Valentines dinners, it’s packed, staff seem stressed – it’s less pressure all round to do something the day before. I got back from working out and put this little fit together.

I like it, but: it’s a great example of how hair can change a look. Mine had been in braids all week (Friday and I still hadn’t found the hours to tackle it 🙄) so I took it down, imagining an airy, breezy look. But the waves along with the draping of the top and the chunky glasses was too much. Plus, my hair was giving 70s perm rather than carefree waves.

I pulled it back into a loose low bun – notice how it immediately shifts the look?

Having it back means it’s not visually competing for space, and my curls aren’t clashing with the texture of the jumper. There’s also lots going on with the neckline and the draping, putting my hair back adds some “white space”, it gives the eye room to breathe.

A good reminder of how hair IS a styling tool - it can change up a look. I wrote all about once upon a time…

Saturday

We started by letting our kids blow off steam at the local gymnasium. My husband, bless his soul, usually takes all three so I can write for a few hours. But we made some new friends recently (isn’t that wonderful and also harder to do as we get older ?) who were also going with their littles.

And the only thing that makes being in a gymnasium with suspiciously strong odor, 50 toddlers, and their adults enjoyable – is doing it with friends. So all in all, it was delightful (or as close to it as these things can be).

Screenshots

What the scrolling spirits moved me towards this week…

Ironically, I found these interior design shots from Christiana’s take on her excellent ’: no-one cares about Mandy Moore’s post-fire home rebuild. She’s not wrong, it’s a little tone deaf. Did that stop me from being pouring over the Architectural Digest spread? No, it did not.

Potentially unpopular opinion: I like my celebrities unrelatable, with excellent taste, completely out of touch. Not to the economic or moral detriment of the rest of the world, sure. But that’s a topic for another day.

Speaking of colour — is a literal master. Her colour pallets, proportions, texture play are always on point — and she’s a fellow shortie at 5’2.

Last shot is from ’s latest post, these trainers have been living on my mind ever since I saw them.

I have not bought any new items of clothing this year so far (you guys!) but these seriously tested me.

Thanks for reading! Are you a fellow shortie – did you wear red this week? If so – how? And tell me what you thought about Bad Bunny. Also how I can get my wild boys to wear clothing for an extended period of time? Kthanksso much byeeee

Nicole xx

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ICYMI

Last night, I finally watched Sinners. Wildly late to the party for someone who’s had Michael B. Jordan on their celebrity hall pass ever since 2013’s Fruitvale Station, but here we are. Incredible film. I cried, had my mind blown, and then promptly fell down an internet rabbit hole of the Jim Crow south in the 1930s. And vampires, ofc.

In creating this film, Ryan Coogler made many, many decisions that added months of extra work. He never seemed to pick the easier path. He cast one actor to play twins1.

He included Chinese Americans to reflect their untold story of the Mississippi Delta2. He filmed an iconic scene in one take with a 65-pound camera. The list goes on.

Somewhat relatedly, Isabel Wilkerson gave a lecture in my town this week on the Great Migration of 6 million Black folks from the southern to northern states in her book, The Warmth of Other Suns.

Wilkerson spent 15 years writing this book. Fifteen YEARS. At times, my attention span doesn’t go beyond 15 minutes. She joked if she’d known it would take that long, she may not have done it, but she pursued the outcome and the book is extraordinary.

In both cases, these visionaries made choices that actively made their pathways more difficult. They chose friction not because they had to, but because they recognized it was the path towards the best and fullest expression of what they were trying to create.

I just got back from Sundance Film Festival for work, and I realised the same is true of style. From indie filmmakers on shoestring budgets making magic out of nothing, to festival volunteers walking the icy streets of Park City at sunrise, to the range of outfits I saw, there was a distinct presence of friction.

I’ve waxed poetic about this before, but I find a special alchemy in eschewing the easy in favor of the authentic. Particularly in an era of instant gratification, AI slop, and I-can-buy-your-entire-outfit-in-one-click, the thrill is in the hunt – the pursuit.

Style trends are pointing towards an uptick in maximalism, in personality dressing, and away from the chokehold of quiet luxury. In a world of The Row, be a Susie Bubble. There’s more demands for personal, no, reallyy personal style, a craving for the inimitable (*cue Hamilton’s Wait For It in my head on repeat*).

I’m quite uninspired by the dull ease of a latest haul or 10 new pieces that will end up unworn in your wardrobe. But I’m so curious when we throw in self-made challenges, a slightly spiky path to the most thoughtful closet additions. A path towards personal style that has bumps, but is a true reflection of ourselves.

Style Resistance at Sundance Film Festival

Here’s what I saw on the streets of Park City, a vast collection of humans in town for the festival, and whom I observed to be avoiding the path of least resistance.

Of course, I don’t know what people’s intentions truly were, it’s all utter speculation, but here’s when I saw people complicating the simple, choosing the harder path — we’ll call them “style spikes”.

Also, you’ll notice most of these images are infinitely better than usual – for this post I’m thrilled to partner with the fabulous Chloe Jackman, whose presence and photography evoke pure joy both behind and in front of the camera. Buckle up!

Style Spike #1: Pursuing function AND style

The easiest path: Park City has a dry cold that cuts through layers (20-30 F), the weather is unpredictable (sunny, blizzards, slushy snow, etc), and you’re on your feet most of the day – queuing for films, parties, events. Not to mention, the main drag is up and down a massive hill.

The easiest choice that makes the most sense is technical outerwear, dark colours, very practical boots. Prioritize warmth over everything, avoid eye rolls from the hardy locals, blend in.

What I saw: A feast for the eyes. Never was I was starved of a look. I saw full vintage maximalist fur, casual pattern clashing, tonal knits, excellent accessories, and a fit that was part hip-hop inspired, part Scandi apres-ski.

I saw women tottering in sky high boots, which was the wildest of them all (there was no snow on the ground, but a lot of black ice). People really tried, but more importantly, let it be known that they were trying. Effortlessness was out; trying hard and succeeding – very much in.

The resistance: Folks were refusing the idea that cold = no style, they were complicating the notion that function and expression were mutually exclusive. Instead, it was a “yes, and”. Warm and interesting. Functional and a fantastic silhouette.

There’s no situation quite like Sundance where you’d be forgiven for just throwing on a puffy and calling it a day. But people really went there. They sourced vintage, coordinated clashing layers, and in some cases, risked looking like “too much”. Which takes vulnerability, to go against the grain, in a big or small way.

Style Spike #2: Resisting the urge to play it small

The easiest path: When you’re attending a film festival in a professional capacity as well as a personal one, the easy path is to avoid standing out. You want to be taken seriously, you don’t want to risk being wrong or looking unprepared. You default to dark colours, classic lines, no rocking the boat.

What I saw: Subtle ways to be both appropriate and make a statement. A few examples starting with the panel I moderated – a room of creatives and storytellers, there for a conversation about pop culture and tech representation.

This picture alone had quite a few interpretations of the unspoken brief, and I was inspired by them all. This purple look is everything, a pastel puffy jacket paired with a pastel purple braids, against an edgy black mini and knee high boots — yes. Throw in some oversized jackets, sunglasses to round out the look, and you have some solid takes on creative meets professional.

Let’s also use the cast of Wicker3 at the premiere I got to attend last minute (score!).

These are obviously creative people, and they’ve clearly stuck to the unspoken rule of black in professional situations. But look how the full length reveals more interest. Coleman’s wide leg satin trouser, Skarsgård’s double belt (!) Debicki’s halter paired with a skirt and trouser set, Peter Dinklage’s TWILIGHT T-SHIRT?! Just exquisite, truly.

Back on the street, the resistance to being small was even more visible. Full length coats took up visual and physical space, bold patterns boldly clashed instead of quietly blending.

The resistance: In professional and casual settings, people refused to make themselves small. They resisted the ease of blending in, which I’ve no doubt made their lives harder, if only just having to check a bag for all the hats and coats! But people had a clear point of view, they took up space, and chose to be seen.

Style Spike #3: Resisting the urge to buy brand new

The easiest path: Going to Sundance, click the links. Buy the down jacket, order the boots – prep for the event, buy for the event. I fell into this trap last year, investing in a brand new, very expensive shearling. As you know, it was amazing, but didn’t even fit me well.

What I chose instead: This year, I did not buy anything new for Sundance. Some things were new to me – vintage, secondhand, but nothing was specifically for the event. I found an amazing Arje preloved coat, and a vintage fur I’ll be in love with until the end of time, which were the foundations of all my outfits. I find having coats as the focus of the outfit less pressure and so fun to build around, I had a good old time.

Outfit 1: The big day. 10am right through to 11pm – panels, emceeing, and hosting a 25 person dinner for storytellers and creatives.

Outfit 2: Dinner time!

Outfit 3: Relax, recuperate, meetings, and the film screening.

Outfit 4: Funder brunch and relaxed meetings.

Travel days:

The resistance: I resisted the ease of instant gratification, but leaned into the used, I’m enjoying the lived in comfiness that comes with worn items. I also went more casual than last year, when I was newly postpartum, new to the festival, and needed a style flex for my headspace if nothing else.

I needed the clothing to speak for me, as a reminder to take up space. This year, I knew what to expect, and two years postpartum was in a different headspace, going in with a calm confidence that reflected through my outfit choices.

I loved how my friend described it — this year was definitely my year of laid back chic.

Across all three of these examples, people chose friction. Certainly small frictions, in the grand scheme of the world, but friction that showed variety, visual interest, difference.

The fun things is, you don’t need Sundance to practice. The concept is the same whether you’re getting ready for a festival or a chill Saturday in your hometown. We can bring friction into the every day. But how?

The Lessons: Styling with intention and the path of (more) resistance

1. Notice your Defaults

   Before we can resist the easy path, we should know what “easy” is to you. Questions I ask myself: What do you reach for automatically; what are the items repeatedly recommended to you on social media algorithms; what makes you feel completely comfortable?

   For me, easy is: tonal, lots of black, statement jewelry, classic silhouettes with some slouch and volume.

   

2. Consider the Resistance
   You definitely don’t need to resist everything, that’s exhausting, but what is one element that makes it harder on yourself?

   Resist the easy colour: Whole outfit neutral colours? Add a “wrong” colour, because bringing in a colour when its not your default requires thought and effort.
   Resist the obvious pairing: This is where ’s Wrong Shoe Theory comes in clutch. Jeans and a white tee? Don’t reach for the loafers, maybe it’s time for clunky trainers or a kitten heel sandal. Or reach for a bomber jacket instead of the usual oversized blazer.

   

   Resist the new purchase: Don’t click instantly. Build in buffers – tell yourself you’ll wait a day and if you still really like it you’ll buy it. Push back against immediate purchases.
   One resistance per outfit is all you’re aiming for, just a little bump amongst the smooth.

3. Observe, observe, observe

   I do wonder in our screen-obsessed world, if people watching is becoming a dying art. Then I remember that humans will always be interested in each other. Not only do we enjoy checking each other out, we’re hardwired to look at things we find attractive4. I’m mostly nosy and find human interactions and behaviour fascinating, down to their clothing we wear. As I watch, I like to consider: What are they solving for with these clothes (weather? setting? boredom?); what message are they trying to send; what might they have been feeling today? You can practice anywhere, from coffee shops to work events.

4. Add resistance to your inspiration points

   I’m a massive bookworm and someone once told me that it’s beneficial to read (and finish) books you dislike. I’m a chronic non-finisher of books whether I like them or not, but I like this idea.
   Read books you don’t love, listen to music outside of the automatic algorithm suggestions (even better, find spaces that fuse unexpected genres – tiny desk is so good at that, as is BBC’s live lounge), follow Substackers whose style you don’t naturally gravitate towards — it might feel odd, but it’s good for you. Like brushing your teeth with your non-dominant hand – it’s low stakes, high benefit brain stretching!

   

   ---

   Thanks for coming along with me to Sundance this week. My last thought is that the spiky path isn’t for everyone – the world is not exactly a place brimming with ease right now, so perhaps you just want smooth. You know what works and you’re uninterested in complicating things, which is its own kind of intentionality.

   But perhaps you’ve been feeling uninspired, feeling sameness over comfort, and you’re in need of a little spiky. Coogler could have made Sinners easier, Wilkerson could have cut corners and written faster5, and people at Sundance could have just stayed warm and visually blah. But they chose the spikes, and in my experience, quite often, the path with resistance leads to the very best version of whatever it is you’re bringing into the world.

I hope some of this lands with you and at the very least, you enjoyed the wonderful photography – thank you, Chloe.

Nicole xx

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That sounds cold hearted, it does, I know. But hear me out.

On one end of the spectrum, I have my lifers – the friends who will never be rid of me and are friends forever. And on the other end, the friends who are fab, but not super close – maybe we’re new friends, or just not quite the same level of mean (that video had me cackling this week).

And then there’s something in between. There have been times throughout my life where I’ve been going through total hell, happened to make a new friend, and that person was there for me, ten toes down. They helped me through, we got extremely close, and were exactly the energy I needed.

And vice versa. I met a woman in my local cafe just yesterday – she’s a new mum, a fellow Brit, far from family, living in our small PNW town. I’m pretty sure she’s deeply homesick, in the thick of postpartum, and I can help. And then, we’ll go about our lives.

And thats okay! Sometimes friends aren’t for life, they’re for a season.

I feel a similar way about my closet.

In December 2024, I was 18 months postpartum. I’d returned to work, and was getting ready for a big work event – my first Sundance Film Festival. I was deeply drawn to this coat and invested in it: A Bally colour-blocked shearling.

Before I get into all the things that made this purchase misguided, let’s talk about the good. Minimal, effortless, understated, all things this coat was not! The colour announced I’ve arrived, the stripes were bold and unapologetic, the cross-body snap design added uniqueness.

Can you imagine why someone new to a creative space, returning to work after a crazy pregnancy and postpartum with all the feels, might need to channel these emotions?

But. It’s also far too big, the pockets sit at my hips, which is a reminder that there’s a difference between oversized and not fitting. The colourblocking is incredible, but felt extreme for my little town (where I like to flit between not enough and too much), I had to work hard to style it, it couldn’t be near the grubby hands of my littles, and it just wasn’t getting enough wear.

It’s now for sale on my Future Reference, but I’m grateful for its time and season. When I wore it, I felt bold and untouchable, exactly what I’d needed at the time. But for my second Sundance (next week, argh)? Knowing the work I’d done to rebuild my closet, I needed something that felt more like me.

I’ve ended up with two fabulous new coats and I’m pretty sure we’ll be friends for life. Here’s what I bought and what I love about them. And at the end, I’ll get into tips for a solid vintage shopping experience.

Caveat incoming… One of these coats is vintage fur and the other is secondhand shearling. I’ve done copious amounts of reading about the merits and issues of vintage furs vs faux fur, the impact of plastics, shearling, the slightly confusing contradiction of wearing leather… the conversation goes on and there are so many sides to consider.

I still don’t have a solid answer and ultimately, everyone is going to make their own personal choices, but I do feel okay about keeping second hand items in use. As Vanessa Friedman said in this article on vintage furs and shearlings rising in fashion: “…it is more environmentally friendly to keep a garment in circulation, especially one made of natural materials that will ultimately biodegrade, than to resort to new synthetics — i.e., faux fur. So there is a valid argument for embracing your grandmother’s old raccoon coat.”

And of course, there’s also 101 counterarguments on the benefits of faux fur, and the debate continues.

But for now, introducing my new coat-friends...

Coat 1: The Homegrown BFF [Vintage Fur]

If there’s one thing I love about a vintage piece, it’s a vintage piece with a backstory.

As I declared in my end of year wrap, vintage and secondhand shopping is a big goal of mine for 2026 and I’d been planning to visit stores in Seattle or Vancouver. But, it’s quite a lot of driving (3-4 hours roundtrip without traffic) for a potentially big reward. At the last minute, I remembered a local Vintage Depot that only did home goods, but had plans to add clothing. Why not check it out just incase, I said…

I wandered past the home sections, the vintage record collections and book cases, expecting a few unorganized bins of clothing. What I saw could only be described as an Aladdin’s cave of vintage clothing. All to myself!

I tried on so many things, putting “maybes” in a little pile that I watched over like a hawk. Not that I had to worry, two people came in the entire time, and stayed for a few mins each, woefully unaware that they were in the presence of vintage greatness (lol I’m so extra).

Eventually, I found this vintage fur coat and once I finally decided to buy it, I had heart eyes coming out of my very being. I was hers, she was mine, the end.

Why we’ll be besties:

• The colour is insane, an auburny chocolatey brown, divine.

• The coat IS the outfit (a la Kelly’s outerwear piece) and requires minimal styling

• It’s surprisingly lightweight, I can pack it down, and it won’t take up my entire carry on when I head to Sundance

• It was made IN MY HOMETOWN and has “Bellingham” on the label – shopping vintage and local errrmygosh. It’s essentially a sartorial souvenir, love that so much.

  

• The lining is a glorious silk on which the owner had her initials professionally embroidered

• It fits beautifully, covers my bum, and has long sleeves to keep me warm

Turns out, the store bought the estate of a local woman who had so many incredible clothes that 75% of what’s on sale is from her closet alone. Like when you go to Buffalo Exchange to sell and a trendy young girly rifles through your bag, takes only the stuff deemed cool enough to sell and leaves way too much behind? Well they took EVERYTHING. She was a super cool woman who was pretty wealthy, used to fly planes, and essentially set the bar for style in Washington. Okay, Queen.

Short story is, I’m owning a piece of local history, and I’m giddy about it.

Coat 2: The Reliable but Dramatic Bestie [Arjé]

I’d never heard of this brand until I was browsing The RealReal (talk about besties, I’m in a codependent relationship with that app) and came across this Arjé coat. I’ve traditionally been a lover of long, full length coats, but this one had me immediately intrigued.

I liked that it was black, I’ve fallen back into love with the colour, and reach for it often to ground looks at big work events. The chunky shawl neckline caught my eye. And though it’s short, it covers my bum, which is critical. I loved it right out of the box.

Why we’ll be besties:

• Its reversible. This millennial will never get over the “buy one get one free” feeling of a fully reversible coat. The pockets pop right out and switch over too. So cool.

• It’s dramatic, but understated. The silhouette is so good – the sleeves are chunky, the neckline is huge, the whole thing just takes up space and has personality.

• The length will take me into spring, it’s heavy so not a jacket by any means, but means it won’t be relegated to depths of winter.

• It’s low-key extra, it feels like my style in that sense, not openly looking for eyeballs, might even be overlooked, but when one does look closer you’re like oohh, interestingg. Today I wore it and someone said “you look cosy, but chic” exactly why this coat will be much loved

• Black goes with anything and everything. Full stop 🖤

I’ve worn it twice this week and it just arrived 5 days ago. A good sign.

And lastly…

Tips for Vintage Shopping Success

I’ve been into vintage shopping for a minute, as a broke teenager, I even had an eBay shop flipping vintage bundles. I haven’t made it a priority for a while, but now I’m back at it, here are my biggest lessons:

• Keep your current closet front of mind. If you’re anything like me, you will be carried away by the wonderful, historic, thrill of it all, and maybe end up with an item that is deeply cool, but never worn. Stick to your style, what feels authentic to you, and imagine how you’ll balance it out in your wardrobe. For example, the bold colours and lines drew me to this vintage XL silk shirt. I didn’t know how I’d style it, but felt I could balance out the vintage of it all with something — in this case, a wide leg palazzo and belt. Envision pairings as you shop. And try not to rush, which brings me to the next point…

  

• Patience, my pretty. This one’s all about the hunt, it’s basically the opposite of online shopping in every way. Be prepared to leave empty handed once or twice, to not find your size, to buy something needing an alteration… bide your time, the thrill comes from finding the perfect item after all the hard work. Even once you find something — that fur coat was not love at first sight. I tried it and was unsure, but kept it close. After trying again and mulling it, taking pictures, envisioning pairings, trying other things, I was all in. But it took a minute.

• Decide how vintage you want to go and the role it’s playing in your closet. For example, I’ll never wear that vintage fur with the matching purse, because it’s altogether too much vintage for my style. I shoot for clean, modern lines, with a touch of menswear/slouch, so head to toe vintage doesn’t make sense. I’m not one for ruffles or frills, so I steer away from hourglass dresses and lacy looks of the romantic era. What I look for in vintage is strong prints, colour, silhouettes, personality, and quality. I often buy vintage scarves because of the fun element and the colour they bring or silk shirts for the quality and the bold colours.

• Wear a palette cleanser for the fitting room. You want to avoid trying on an outfit that is entirely vintage pieces. You’ll feel like you’re playing dressup and it’ll either not feel like you, or you’ll be turned off every item. Vintage shopping isn’t the day for your boldest outfit – wear something that will ground any look; a black vest top, a mid-wash jean in a modern cut – something bringing balance can make decisions easier.

• Consider the condition. Goes without saying, but you’re potentially buying a piece that had a whole life before you. It may have holes, smells, stains, etc. Hopefully it’s in decent state, but be realistic about what you’re willing to fix once post purchase. I’m always prepared to hand wash, air out, and spray, but stains and holes are generally beyond my desire level.

• Sizes are meaningless. If you ask me, modern sizes are already ridiculous, with measurements changing from brand to brand. But with vintage I throw them out even faster. I go off fit, feel, and comfort.

• Watch those fabric tags. I find that vintage clothing is much better for natural compositions, but, certain periods had a lot of nylon and polyester, so if that bothers you,double check fabric tags. And know that if you search enough, you can end up with absolute gems. I recently found a vintage navy cashmere cardigan in mint condition, the label says Neiman Marcus. $50. Eek.

• Shorties, this one’s for you. In my experience, there seems to be a greater likelihood that when I’m shopping vintage, more things will fit me like a glove. In modern fashion, it feels like a tall girl’s world but the opposite feels true when vintage shopping. Maybe it’s all in my head, who knows.

And that’s it for now. Hit me up if you wanna come vintage shopping with me?! Because I truly love this stuff and now I have even more of a hankering.

Thanks for being here,

N x

Every heart, comment, or restack truly makes my day. Don’t be shy, tell me about your go-to coat this season below!

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Last night, we had a power cut. We’re in the middle of record-breaking floods and storms with extreme water damage and home loss across Washington. I’m grateful we haven’t been affected, but sitting in the dark with candles flickering and phones standing in for the kids’ sound machines, that thought felt truer than ever. At the end of a heavy year, with the world making less sense than ever, style is objectively unimportant. Frivolous, even!

And yet. When the power came back this morning, I still had to get dressed. My daughter still had Spirit Week at school – mismatched day, fancy day, etc – and she’s been greeting each morning with pure joy. Planning her outfits the night before, carefully laying them out – using clothes as a way to create, getting dressed as play.

Even in the midst of the crazy, we all still do this daily ritual: we have to get dressed. And what we choose matters, there are connections between what we wear and how we feel1. But somewhere between being a kid and growing up, we can lose the glee my 5 year old has on Spirit Week mornings. Getting dressed is just routine and we reach for the same things because we’re tired, we have bigger worries, life is life-ing.

But this year, I was ready to get some of that glee back. I’ve been on a journey to rebuild my style through the postpartum seasons – first with my daughter in 2020, then the twins in 2023. So I’m happy to say as we end the year, that I bought a grand total of zero items in 2025.

Just kidding, you guys… *whispers*… I bought a lot.

Enter: The visuals…

Here’s the context (or rationalization, because these numbers are wild and I’m slightlyy rethinking the transparency of this graphic 😮‍💨 lol2): This was the first year since I starting having babies that I’ve invested in my style. I’m sure as hell not dropping $11K on clothes every year, and I know it’s a privilege to be able to spend that even once, but after five years of pregnant-to-postpartum cycles, nursing-friendly all the things, and making do with hand-me-downs, because my body was a moving target – I was ready. I’m not having anymore kids and my body is mine again (topic for another day, but women’s bodies are incredible).

I’m by no means a numbers girl, but I do love the idea of data visualization for topics that aren’t often given that courtesy. AKA an excuse to make style feel profesh, legit, and grounded in data. So here’s a couple more…

Tops and trousers pulled heavy weight here (28% of spending went to tops alone). And accessories look modest at 16%, but the expensive Loewe bag accounted for 27% of everything I spent, which means the rest of accessories was actually quite restrained.

I was fairly disciplined most of the year, then went all out in the summer and winter. This year, we spent 2.5 months in Portugal and Spain on a trip we’d planned all year, and admittedly, I was a kid in a sweet shop. But heaven forbid a girly buy a few souvenirs ;)

Black Friday was better, most purchases had been on my wishlist year round. I spent $6K but returned $4500 of it, keeping only what I loved, which the chart doesn’t show.

I only started properly tracking via Indyx in July, so the data is skewed towards the second half of the year. But something else happened that month: I joined Substack.

And it’s been the coolest experience of my online life. The topics, the collaborations, the DMs with ridiculously talented writers – it’s a special corner of the internet. Every week I gulp down thoughtful pieces about how clothes carry us through the hardest transitions – newborn fog, career shifts, grief. This community hold so much space for the frivolous and the essential at the same time.

Which is why I didn’t want to write my last piece of the year alone.

That’s right, on the busiest week of the year, right before Christmas, I was an utter Substack menace and asked some of my favourite writers to share their most and least worn items. And they graciously agreed!

So this is part year in review, part group style confessions: What did we reach for this year? What did we love in theory, but never wear in practice? And what did we learn?

The Group Chat: What We Wore Most

First up, it’s of . It’s rare that I meet someone online I immediately wanna hang with IRL. She has such a way with words, is hilarious, so cool, and incredibly kind. She really is That Girl.

Like me, she’s a proud member of the Accessories Club – her most-worn piece isn’t clothing, but her Ray-Ban Wayfarer IIs.

“Anytime I put them on, they feel like a superhero cape,” she said. “They give that cool, vintage edge, but with a slightly rounder frame than the OG Wayfarers, which complements my face so much better.”

“Not to get emotional, but these sunglasses have carried me through more than I expected. They made me feel confident in front of the camera (so. many. outfit. selfies.) when I wasn’t loving the skin I was in, hid red eyes when tears got the best of me, and show up in countless photos of my kids wearing them to be silly and pretend to be Mom. I knew they became a legitimate part of me when I met some amazing writers in real life and they were like, ‘OMG, NO SUNGLASSES!’”

of uses colour so well and this piece on red and cherished items is a beautiful description of how clothing can connect us to loved ones across space and time.

What has she reached for most? This green dress she brought just a few months ago, but has worn at every opportunity. "It's so easy to throw on, zip up, and go out the door. I love how long it is, the waist detail—it's comfy and chic. I've worn it with sneakers, boots, sandals, etc. It's truly my favorite!"

of is the friend we all need, who will tell you what’s worth it and what’s overhyped. Her styling constantly inspire me (those burgundy leather trousers!) and whether it’s knitwear or maxi coats, her eye never misses.

This year, she reached for her white Mango jeans again and again. “They’re comfortable, versatile and easy to style, whether for work or weekends. They’ve really earned their place in my wardrobe.”

of is a girls’ girl, I just know it and we’ve never even met IRL. Her writing feels like catching up with a friend, her outfits infused with joy and energy (hi, leopard print and pattern play) and she inspires me to be a cooler mum whenever she writes.

“I’m sure everyone’s tired of me mentioning this vest and t-shirt, but they were genuinely the pieces I reached for most this year. My only regret? Not picking up that vest in more colors. My most-worn pants since transitioning from maternity leggings to jeans: these, every week. Big fan.”

of writes about the joyful chaos that is motherhood, style, and relationships, with a sprinkle of sarcasm (my love language) — including a genius post combining the worlds of atheticism and fashun. Which brings us nicely to her most worn items…

…Her GANNI tiger print skirt and Salomon sneakers, which she ended up wearing together. "I loved the contrast of a sneaker with a bold skirt—both pieces spoke to my personality and individual style. The sneakers leaned into my athletic, sporty side, while the skirt showcased my dramatic, bold persona."

And me? Here’s what carried me through the year…

My Most Worn Items of 2025:

31 wears: Cos Oval Hoop Earrings ($45)

I bought these on a whim in Barcelona and it’s been hard not to reach for them every single day since. At this point they feel like part of my face. The matte brushed look makes them low key and put together. But most importantly, they are easy! The hinge mechanism means no backs to lose and no fiddly bits to jiggle. The perfect contender in the 5 minutes before all hell breaks loose and kids take each other out rush to get ready.

21 Wears: Elisa Johnson Jane Glasses ($145)

Elisa Johnson (Magic Johnson’s daughter!) started this line of frames and it's impeccable. High quality materials, accessible price point, statement but not overly trendy – I reach for these constantly and someone asks where they’re from every. single. time.

15 Wears: Agolde Luna High Rise Pieced Taper ($258)